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my well being - Carers UK Forum

my well being

Tell us a bit about yourself here.
Hello i am martin i am a new member i care for my mother
who has dementia .
Hi Martin,
welcome to the forum.
Caring for someone with dementia is tough.
Do you get any outside support at all?


Your heading mentions your own wellbeing, a big issue for a lot of carers and one that always seems to be second to caring duties and wellbeing of caree. Do you get any "me" time?

Melly1
My Mum also has dementia. I care, but not full time. How long have you been a carer for?

Your well being is VERY important!
Thankyou very much for reply Melly we do get help from carers who come
once a day in the morning monday to friday to wash and dress my mother and shower her 3 times a week
but i do live at home so it is 24/7 i do the housework do all the caring for my mother when the carers are not
there putting my mother to bed wash her every thing and all the other daily duties walking the dog etc.
i have been looking after my mother even before she fell ill since my father died 40 years ago since i was 16
but as far as how long have i been looking after her since she has had dementia 11 years and no there is not really
any me time except for down time with a few glasses of wine is that wrong that is to block things out i do get very down
and very tearful and break down from time to time but then i say to my self for gods sake pull yourself togeather
i have so very much information to share with you about my well being and my mother
kind regards martin.
Thankyou very much Sally yes i look after my mother full time but have carers who come 5 times a week for an hour
my mother has had dementia for 11 years i still work self employed go out to work when the carers have been in the morning
i can leave my mother but often most days take her out with me to work to get her out the house i do window cleaning
you see she is happy to sit in the car reading but can play up a lot a lot of people who i clean the windows for
are very kind and will say bring your mother in for a cup of tea or paint her nails she likes that she loves makeup
it is very hard but you just have to get on with it that is life iwish i could do more but get so very tired not all the times
of course there has to be carers groups in my areain surrey heath
kind regards martin.
Hi Martin,
it sounds to me like you need more support. Does your Mum claim attendance allowance? If she doesn't she should be. This money can be used to make your lives easier e.g. pay for a cleaner or someone to help with the gardening or the laundry etc Help for you means you are less stressed and that in turn will help your Mum. https://www.carersuk.org/help-and-advic ... -allowance

I also think it is worth requesting a new Needs assessment for your Mum and a Carer's assessment for you, to enable your Mum to have more care visits to give you a chance to get out of the house and have some "me time." https://www.carersuk.org/help-and-advic ... assessment https://www.carersuk.org/help-and-advic ... assessment

As your Mum's condition worsens it is likely her care will be too much for one person and she will need residential nursing care.

Melly1
Thankyou Melly yes my mother does get attendence allowance and support from social service
at surrey heath sorry i am having a bit of a melt down moment i am writing this email and i am breaking down
i can not stop crying i am so very silly i keep having flash backs to how my mother used to be as a child etc when i was 5
or7 i am now nearly 56 what is wrong with me sometimes i am so strong melly other times i just loose the plot
i just wish my father was a round still he died so young only 46
the older you get the more sensative you get i feel how very silly of me i try to be so very strong all the time
and then it just goes i do hate fathers days because i have been with out my father for so long from a young age
i just have too deal with it as i said earlier i should not be drinking so much but it helps
shut the demons out i think i will carry this to my grave thats just how i feel at this moment
sorry about this.
There are good days and bad days but more bad days then good days
sorry maybe i will feel a bit better tomorrow melly 1 maybe not
take care
kind regards martin.
Oh Martin. That is tough. I think the fact you are breaking down means you are at the end of your tether and need more help. When did you Mum last have a social services assessment?

I relate to the grief you feel thinking what the person was like. I try and feel grateful for what I had with Mum. But some days it is hard.

So lovely of you that you take Mum to work with you. But for many of us work is a release from caring. Maybe you need help in the day so that you can get out alone?
Hi Martin, really sorry to hear that you're feeling low and going through a difficult time. The forum members' posts are all useful suggestions. Have you tried talking to someone about how you feel? Although it may not make the situation go away, it can be quite therapeutic. Samaritans have a 24/7 free helpline and can be reached on 116 123. Alternatively, you might prefer face-to-face support. You can search for your nearest carers' centre by visiting our online directory: https://www.carersuk.org/help-and-advic ... al-support

Also, have you been in contact with your GP at all?

Really hope you get the support you need both on this forum and elsewhere. Let us know how you get on.
Martin, you have become what I call a Clapped Out Carer, doing too much for too long without a break.

I'm dismayed that you have always been looking after mum, one way and another.
You need a proper 2 week break without any interruptions whatsoever.

When did Social Services last do a Carers Assessment for you?