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My First Time ! - Carers UK Forum

My First Time !

Tell us a bit about yourself here.
Hello Everyone,

I'm new to this forum lark, but have got to the stage where I need to be in contact with other carers ! I'll keep this first mail short and to the point.

I'm a single 61 year old daughter tying to care for an 85 year old mother with dementia and severe mobility problems. Currently we live independently of each other although the time is fast approaching when I will probably have to move in with her to care for her. At the moment I visit her almost daily to make sure she's taking her medication, do housework, take her shopping etc. But the mental confusion and forgetfulness caused by the dementia is getting much worse to the extent that what happens this morning is virtually forgotten by this evening.

As someone who has always had total control over her life and has lived alone for the past 30 years I now find the thought of having to move in with someone else (even though she is my Mother) quite terrifying. Especially as there is no way of knowing for how long the situation will go on.

Is there anyone out there who has had to face a similar experience - how did you cope ?
Good morning Susieq

welcome to the forum, there will be others along soon to share your experiences.

In the meantime take a look around Image

Alex
Hi Susie,
Lots of people here in lots of different situations, so I'm sure you'll soon make friends Image
Welcome to the forum Susie.

x x
Hi Susieq,
I know just how you feel, I've had my mum, who's 90 tomorrow, living with us for 18 months, it's difficult as mum is a bit of a 'chatter box' while I enjoy my own space.
Best wishes Trish
________
Hero honda karizma r history
Hello Everyone,

I'm new to this forum lark, but have got to the stage where I need to be in contact with other carers ! I'll keep this first mail short and to the point.

I'm a single 61 year old daughter tying to care for an 85 year old mother with dementia and severe mobility problems. Currently we live independently of each other although the time is fast approaching when I will probably have to move in with her to care for her. At the moment I visit her almost daily to make sure she's taking her medication, do housework, take her shopping etc. But the mental confusion and forgetfulness caused by the dementia is getting much worse to the extent that what happens this morning is virtually forgotten by this evening.

As someone who has always had total control over her life and has lived alone for the past 30 years I now find the thought of having to move in with someone else (even though she is my Mother) quite terrifying. Especially as there is no way of knowing for how long the situation will go on.

Is there anyone out there who has had to face a similar experience - how did you cope ?
Nice to meet you Susie Image
Hi Susieq,
I know just how you feel, I've had my mum, who's 90 tomorrow, living with us for 18 months, it's difficult as mum is a bit of a 'chatter box' while I enjoy my own space.
Best wishes Trish
hi Trish

Happy Birthday to your Mum - 90 is a good age !

Mine's not a chatterer, more of a 'moaning minnie'. But then with 2 knee replacements; dodgy hips; osteoporosis; dicky ticker and now the dementia I suppose she does have something to moan about - trouble is I'm the one that has to do all the listening, she's as bright as a button with the rest of the family !

Today is my 'day off' and I've been trying to catch up with my housework jobs - just finished 3 loads of washing, but getting it dry will be a minor miracle as it hasn't stopped raining since
8 o/c this morning ! Did the sun shine at all this summer - or was that the day I slept late ?

Somehow being a carer wasn't factored into my retirement plan (lol) - I sort of envisaged holidays and outings to concerts / theatres; long lunches and shopping trips with friends. Just goes to show that the best laid plans etc, etc. But I suppose I should be grateful, apart from a dodgy back I have my health and a couple of very good friends who haven't yet got fed up with hearing all my moans !

So as the song says I'll keep trying to "always look on the bright side of life"
best wishes
susieq
hello susie

welcome to the forum Image

krys
Hi Susieq

I gave up work/career and my home to move in and look after Dad in 2004. Previously I had lived on my own for just over 20 years. Dad has vascular dementia, angina, a cataract, bit deaf, not so mobile, not so strong etc and is now 91. It got so he needed someone to be around most the time to organise him and keep him safe.

It seemed the right thing to do as we didn't want Dad to go into a home away from his surroundings and memories eg of Mum.

I decided at the outset that I wanted my own breakout space so I have the smallest bedroom with PC, TV, video, books, filing cabinet - barely room for me. It is somewhere I can escape to for a little while to relax and do what I want, although as Dad has deteriorated I can leave him on his own for less time.

I used to be able to get out for a few hours or even the odd day at first giving me some free time. Nowadays I do not feel he can be left for more than an hour or else he starts looking for me and worrying where I am. I have been fortunate in that my brother is now able to come down to stay for a couple of nights each week to take a couple of night duties (while I get an undisturbed night's sleep) and the day in between off. I now try and make it a habit to get out somewhere for that day to get away from it even if I have nowhere to go.

So, what I am suggesting is decide up front what freedoms you want and how you are going to achieve them as you do need your own space and time. See what cover you can get so that you can have some free time on your own. You might be able to get your Mum into a Day Centre to provide some free time and/or a friend or relative to cover for you.

Hope this is of some help. Good Luck