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Mum wants to go home - no dementia - Page 2 - Carers UK Forum

Mum wants to go home - no dementia

Tell us a bit about yourself here.
I am the opposite, it is me that wanted to bring hubby home. For a while I struggled to get head and heart in same place. I made a list of his needs, extremely high. Even in the nursing home he has 1-1 staff. Then one by one I went through and looked at each point and what if anything I could do for him, in a safe way though. My head knew what outcome would be but I still had to go through the process to convince my heart, if that makes sense.

It is 38 days today since last saw him properly. Facetime via staff not doable as his Alz that advanced and face facing down, after the 1st time it hurt me more. So now I visit twice a week and although not ideal, I see him through the window and he is able to hear my voice. That is our last connection and I was worried in case we would lose it whilst being apart.

The other side of it Vicky is bed space. had you attempted to bring your mam home and it never worked out, I doubt there would be any placement there or elsewhere available. All our local homes are at full capacity and a waiting list for places. My heart goes out to those that need respite as unable to get any.

Like others have said, you made the original decision for a reason. Try hold out a while longer., for your dads sake too. Could he go through upheavel himself at this time....

I have not been on forum for a while now so no idea if your mams place is close to you. if it is have you considered dropping little notes in, or pictures for her window. here many residents have pics of rainbows up. Maybe make a cake or buy one if easier, that she can share with others. A possible montage of photos for her wall. Just a thought

x x
I sympathise and am in a similar situation but my mum does have dementia. I haven’t been allowed to see her for about 5 weeks now. We Facetime but she often cries. I send her pretty cards and today I was shopping near her care home so I rang and said I have a card and some biscuits and sweets for her and the Manager let me leave them in the porch.

Every time I ring her or Facetime her she says she wants to go home and it’s horrible for both of us. i just have to keep changing the subject.
Hello and welcome!

Ask the care home staff to distract her. Perhaps you could talk to her on the phone instead?
Yes, we’ve sent goodies, cards and I’ve written letters.
My head knows she can’t come home but at the moment my heart aches.
Thank you everyone and I’m hoping you’re all finding the strength you need at the moment too.