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Sigh - Carers UK Forum

Sigh

Tell us a bit about yourself here.
I'm struggling. My partner has a diagnosis of Emitional unstable personality disorder, depression, anxiety and is on the autisumn sprectum.
Recently his depression has returned and was hospitalised where his meds were changed and was discharged. At first everything seemed fine but then he suffered all the side effects the meds came with. His team changed his meds to Fluoxitine 20mg and then 5 weeks later increased to 40mg. Now 5 weeks later he says they are sti not working (though i've seen changes for the best) so this week his consultant added a mood stabliser (I firget the name). My partner's mental health is at its best when he is in a sleep routine, eating sensibly and exercising and his team keep telling him this along with myself but it feels he wants a magic pill. He does routine etc for one day then days he cant be bothered. Then is on the phone to his team complaining he feels unwell. Three nurses recently told him as well as consultant that he needs to take some responsibikity for his mental health as well as meeting them half way but he just will not try. We buy healthy food in but it goes off or out of date and goes in the bin then he buys junk food which then affects his mood so throws it away and buys healthy and just kerps going round in circles. His CPN has said he (cpn) is banging his head against a wall. I just dont know what more i can do. His team have said i'm doing everyyhing right but my partner does not listen. Monday this week he was up, showered and had breakfast by 9.30am then yesterday he was up late and no breakfast or shower then today was up at 10.30, not shower or had breakfast and eaten junk food. Later he said he did not feel well and by 7.30pm was back in bed. He started his mood stabliser today.
I'm at my witts end as he is igiring his team.
Hi Sky,
Welcome to the forum.
It sounds like you are giving your partner excellent support. He also sounds well supported by his CPN. Unfortunately neither you nor they can make him follow the good advice re sleep, diet and exercise. The only person who can do this, is HIM.

Mrs. Average, a poster on here, always advises the best thing to do in this situation is to model this lifestyle yourself ie ensure you get enough sleep, you eat healthily and you exercise regularly in the hope it rubs of on him.

The alternative of course, is to offer him an ultimatum...

Melly1
Thank you Melly1. I told my partner last night that I'm stopping doing things for him such as calling his team, getting his morninh meds, making him his morning coffee etc. He is still in bed now after going at 7.30pm last night. Sunday he said he'd been thinking and he was going to meet his team half way, do everything they suggest and change his way of thinking. Monday he started but Tuesday onwards he stopped.

His mood stabliser his consultant started him on yesterday is called Lamotrigine 25mg twice daily.
My partner finally got up after 17 hours in bed. He called his team and spoke to a nurse who told him nothing he on will make him tired and repeated what many have said. At 3.30pm he was back in bed ognoring team again.
I guess the question is "do you want to support him anymore?" OK, he is unwell, but he does need to take responsibility for making himself well again. You are being supportive in this. If he won't help himself I think it could be time to reconsider your relationship. This doesn't sound like much of a partnership to me. I know this sounds harsh, but he has to help himself and if he won't you deserve to find someone deserving of your devotion and care.
I understand you love him, and its very very difficult. A relationship as in partners, is a 2 way thing. If one partner is ill, then 50/50 may not be feasible, especially with MH issues. However in my humble opinion, 100% from you and nothing from him is not going to work. Are you enabling the situation? If you can, seek some counselling for yourself, because your own well being and life is important. Like others, I do not mean to sound harsh,far from it. Can sense the emotional turmoil you are in.
Hello Sky. Does your partner have any friends? If so - try to encourage them to phone/ visit or go out with your partner. He might need someone else to talk to. Also think about his hobbies and encourage him to do something he likes doing.
Sorry if this does not seem relevant to you and your partner but it is important. When you're living with someone who has depression and anxiety it is often us who take control and make all the day to day decisions. Well this situation can actually make the depressed/anxious person feel worse, worthless and unimportant. Try taking a step back and see what happens.