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I think I’m done - Carers UK Forum

I think I’m done

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Hi a bit about my situation, I am a single mother of 2 children, my eldest has autism. My brother Mhas cerebral palsy has lived with me for 8 years, for 12 months now as a mutual decision he has been in the waiting list for supported housing but we are getting nowhere. I have no privacy, no space and am very overwhelmed. I need some breathing space in my own home now, I am hoping to work full time soon but even that is limited. My counsellor has written to social services to prioritise this but nothing is moving forward and i have hit a brick wall. None of my family help with the caring I’m done now I am so depressed and need some help
Hi Fragilelady,

Your situation does sound untenable.

The Scope website might be able to offer other tips https://www.scope.org.uk/advice-and-sup ... l-housing/

My other thought, that works for some is Shared Lives - this could be a bridging move for your brother to live with support until a supported living home became available. This is the link to the National organisation https://sharedlivesplus.org.uk However you would need to find out if there is a local scheme operating in your area.

Does your brother have a social worker and an advocate pushing for accommodation for him?

Another angle, is to do it though your children's school(s) - requesting a CAF might help - this draw on a range of professionals to help a family e.g. respite, support etc - and in this remit is housing needs.

Melly1
Welcome to the forum. You have done too much for too long. Stop trying to be Superwoman and start yelling HELP!
I have had a total of 10 carees, my youngest son was brain damaged at birth, now lives in a privately rented flat with carer support.

It's a shame your brother ever came to live with you.
Has anyone told you that you CANNOT be forced to care for anyone?
TELL Social Services that from 1st November you will NOT care for your brother any more.
They must find somewhere else for him to live. If there is nowhere set up, then they need to set somewhere up, quickly.
As he is over 18, he is their responsibility, not yours, a very vulnerable adult.

How old is your son?
Melly1 wrote:
Sun Sep 04, 2022 11:27 am
Hi Fragilelady,

Your situation does sound untenable.

The Scope website might be able to offer other tips https://www.scope.org.uk/advice-and-sup ... l-housing/

My other thought, that works for some is Shared Lives - this could be a bridging move for your brother to live with support until a supported living home became available. This is the link to the National organisation https://sharedlivesplus.org.uk However you would need to find out if there is a local scheme operating in your area.

Does your brother have a social worker and an advocate pushing for accommodation for him?

Another angle, is to do it though your children's school(s) - requesting a CAF might help - this draw on a range of professionals to help a family e.g. respite, support etc - and in this remit is housing needs.

Melly1
Thankyou I will try scope he has a social worker yes they just keep saying there is no accommodation at the moment I jr it to be the right place for him also, not that we’ve been offered anywhere yet! X
bowlingbun wrote:
Sun Sep 04, 2022 12:41 pm
Welcome to the forum. You have done too much for too long. Stop trying to be Superwoman and start yelling HELP!
I have had a total of 10 carees, my youngest son was brain damaged at birth, now lives in a privately rented flat with carer support.

It's a shame your brother ever came to live with you.
Has anyone told you that you CANNOT be forced to care for anyone?
TELL Social Services that from 1st November you will NOT care for your brother any more.
They must find somewhere else for him to live. If there is nowhere set up, then they need to set somewhere up, quickly.
As he is over 18, he is their responsibility, not yours, a very vulnerable adult.

How old is your son?
My son is 15, he came to live with me when my dad got too poorly to care for him, I’m worried if I say that they will put him somewhere awful :(
I was referring to your brother, not your son, when I said to be much more forceful with Social Services. Your brother is NOT your responsibility, but theirs.

With regard to your son, how is he managing at school? Do they have a boarding option?
What long term plans, if any, have been made for him?
Don't rule out a boarding college, my son went to Fairfield Opportunity College in Warminster, he developed so much independence in those years, it was lovely to see.
Google NATSPEC, National Association of Special Education Colleges, or similar. Don't let Social Services/Education say they don't fund places like this, because they do! Find the nearest place to you that you like, visit, talk to the Principal. We loved seeing our son flourish, he came home every second or third weekend.
bowlingbun wrote:
Sun Sep 04, 2022 4:12 pm
I was referring to your brother, not your son, when I said to be much more forceful with Social Services. Your brother is NOT your responsibility, but theirs.

With regard to your son, how is he managing at school? Do they have a boarding option?
What long term plans, if any, have been made for him?
Don't rule out a boarding college, my son went to Fairfield Opportunity College in Warminster, he developed so much independence in those years, it was lovely to see.
Google NATSPEC, National Association of Special Education Colleges, or similar. Don't let Social Services/Education say they don't fund places like this, because they do! Find the nearest place to you that you like, visit, talk to the Principal. We loved seeing our son flourish, he came home every second or third weekend.
Apologies, my brother is 50 x I’m ok with my son but need more time to focus on both of my children also xxx thanks for replying to me
Social Services need to support your brother to move out.
When did he last have a Needs Assessment, and you, a Carers Assessment?
Does he attend any day services, or just stay home with you all the time?
Hi

That sounds really stressful.

I'm a parent of two with additional needs. Both now not at home...being supported elsewhere.

The only reason this is because I jumped up and down and shouted really loudly

I think a deadline for social services ks good. With reminders often. By email and phone.

Good luck

Keep us updated
Hi,

If SS or Housing are doing nothing, you will have to just throw your brother out (sounds awful I know but playing nice won't get you anywhere - you need to be mean like the Mum's of 15/16 year olds who are pregnant and throw them out, they get accommodation straight away!). He will have to go to the Council who will have to put him into temporary accommodation. He will have priority need as he is vulnerable due to CP. They won't want to pay for temporary accommodation as it costs a BOMB so they will pull their fingers out and find him supported accommodation.

If you don't want to literally boot him out, call the Housing section and say "he is going to be homeless in a week, deal with it". They will pull their fingers out.

Don't worry about your son. They won't take him anywhere. The care system is full up - the last thing they will want is to have another child in care. All SS would do is mediation with you (not sure what the issue is other than autism), your family and his Dad's family in case he can go stop with them.

You need to rest yourself first before you go into full time work.

Good luck.