ME/Chronic Fatigue Syndrome carer

[jenny lucas]

Alison, hi again - different issue!

You say the definition of a carer is that they are 'unpaid' BUT, whatever the official definition/situation, why would any of us give up our time to someone else for 'nothing'?

Now, if, as most of us are, are carers for our parents or spouses or children, then yes, we can give up our time for 'free' because we love the person we care for. That said, many children DO get 'paid' by their mums/dads in some form of other, even if its not 'official'. In fact, this can be absolutely essential when there are multiple children but only one of them provides the care, and if the parent has not, or is not longer mentally capable, of ensuring that their will reflects that disparity, and so leaves considerably more to the carer-child than the non-carers children. Otherwise the non-carer children are ruthlessly exploiting the carer children!

If, however, the emotional bond between your caree and you is not that of 'love' (and of course it might be!) then of course you should be paid by her! Why should she get for free what she would otherwise likely have to pay for? You're losing income from your own business because your earning time is spent on your caree. What is fair about that???

I guess my bottom line is that I am concerned that your caree is getting a lot more out of this situation than you are! Is this fair? yes, you may be getting 'free board and lodging' (are you? That depends on whether you own any of her property or not!)(see previous post!)

(If you are her sole legatee, well, maybe your 'payment' will be 'deferred' - but, if she is of sound mind she could, if she wanted, cut you out of her will and leave her estate to the cat's home or whatever. I wouldn't count on being 'paid' eventually - plus she isn't exactly ancient, is she??)

I'm sorry if all this is coming across as 'mercenary' - but in the end caring is INCREDIBLY expensive, whether the state does it, or family or anyone else 'privately' does it. Carees cannot be cared for 'for free' - so you DO need to get sufficient recompense for what you do for her, because what you are doing for her is not trivial - it's taking over your life!

[jenny lucas]

Alison - hi - sorry, final post!

Are you still trapped in the house? I think you said above that her anxiety attacks are easing now, thanks to the medication, which is good. But won't that mean you can now come and go far more freely?

(Personally, as I said earlier, I don't think it's necessarily a good idea to stay in just because she has panic attacks - because they cannot 'harm' her can they? They are just unpleasant for her to experience, nothing more! )

If she's bedbound, does it matter that you go out? Providing you set her up with whatever she needs beforehand?

Again, my underlying concern is that your caree is 'controlling' you excessively - not necessarily in a malign way, and probably not even in a conscious or deliberate way I would hope, but that the effect on you is the same - ie, imprisoning you and keeping you 'at her side'.

[jenny lucas]

Alison, vis a vis you registering an interest in your caree's property......if you lent/gifted her money to buy it (?)

A somewhat depressing article on the subject of handing over large sums of money to someone else for a property purchase alas!

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/money/expert ... ement.html

Good luck with it all, IF this is the situation!! (Which obviously it might well not be - hope it isn't!)

[Melly1]

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