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Posted: Sun Sep 11, 2011 1:38 pm
hi guys n girls, im new to this, so here goes. im 49 work as hca in nhs, single, live in council flat and have son 30.( right thats me).
now the reason im here.. iv been caring for my mum since march, and she died a month ago, so as you can imagine a bit lost at the moment, im now caring for my dad as this was mums job before she died. trying to sort finances, housing,and what to do next.
my main problem seems to be my emotions, i feel empty but also sad, but i cant cry, i think i have held it together for so long that my feelings have gone away.
im also away from home so cant resume a normal life, so any advice would be great.
i know im not the only one here struggling so just want to say, hope your day is full of sunshine. x
Posted: Sun Sep 11, 2011 2:06 pm
Hi Lisa, welcome to the forum.
Sorry to hear about your Mum.My Dad died last Christmas, we think our parents will be around to protect us forever,and it can be hard when they are not. My Dad was 82, so he couldn't really protect me anyway,but he would always walk me out to my car and walk on the outside of the pavement if we were out together,plus open doors for me, so it felt as though he was protecting me. I miss him very much. My Mum died 16 years ago, it gets easier in time, but perhaps you need to talk to someone now about your emotions. It is normal to feel sad like you do. If you feel you can't cry, then watch a really sad film, it might help.(One of my sons died suddenly 17 months before my Dad,and this is a suggestion that came from another bereaved parent, and it does work).Releasing tears helps,and it makes no difference where you cry. Tears are a human emotion.
You also might need some breathing space, do you have time off from your caring role at all,even just to have a cup of coffee and read a book for half an hour?x
Posted: Sun Sep 11, 2011 2:15 pm
hi hun, thankyou for your reply, you`v had it tough. i have watched a sad movie but the same thing keeps happening, i feel a sudden rush of sadness and then it goes away as quick as it came.
i must really sound weird. i am gettin some free time, but its a bit lonely being away from home and away from friends and family, again hun thanks for the chat.x
Posted: Sun Sep 11, 2011 2:32 pm
Glad to have you on board. I think emotions are one of the hardest things about caring, but one of the things that often gets overlooked by officials who focus more on practicalities. Luckily, that's where this forum comes in
From my experience, there's no substitute to speaking to others in the same situation - people who understand why I'm still up in the early hours of the morning and who understand that all the little things take time and can get to you.
Anyway, I think you're doing the right thing coming on this forum and look forward to seeing you around.
Posted: Sun Sep 11, 2011 3:20 pm
Hi Lisa and welcome
Sorry for your loss.
Posted: Sun Sep 11, 2011 3:29 pm
My mum died two months ago, "I still hate saying that", . I still feel empty like you. I cared for mum
24/7 for well over 20 years. I mostly cry in private. When we have someone in our lives for so long
and care for them. our emotions will not change in a few days, months, etc,; Give yourself time
((((((hug)))))) take care
Posted: Sun Sep 11, 2011 8:40 pm
hi lisa wellcome my mum dead nearly 1 year ago i have not got over it but i know how to cope with it i cout not greave for along time it will take time take care
Posted: Sun Sep 11, 2011 10:17 pm
Hi Lisa and welcome to the forums. Im sure you'll find lots of support and encouragement here.