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M S carer - Carers UK Forum

M S carer

Tell us a bit about yourself here.
I care for a young man with secondary progressive MS which has confined him to a wheelchair. He gets very frustrated and angry and I sometimes find it difficult to feel empathy for him when he curses and swears at me. I know he does not mean to be so aggressive and its just his frustration at not being able to do things but I get hurt when his words are so vicious. Does anyone else have to go through this tirade of verbal abuse just because we are the closest thing to them? Image
My carees have different needs from yours, but when I was struggling I had some counselling, which really helped with some coping strategies. It didn't change their problems but changed my attitude to them. It's also really important that you have a break now and then, everything seems worse when you are tired and "running on empty". It's not selfish to have some "me" time, it's absolutely essential.
Hi Nannyval.welcome to the forum!

I think many of us have experienced similar situations as the one you describe at some point when caring. I cared for Mum who had COPD and a list of other conditions. I was actually the only member of the family that stayed with her and yet sometimes you would think I was her enemy the way she spoke to me! Much of it was, I'm sure the frustration, pain and fear of having a terminal illness and some was simply the fact that Mum was not "saintly" before her illness so why should she suddenly become different?

Nannyval, you will find plenty of support from the great people on this forum.

Bell x
Welcome Nannyval

We are all caring for people with different disabilities, but the problems are very similar Image
Hi nannyval and welcome Image
Tell him his behaviour is unacceptable, that you're leaving the room and to call you when he's ready to apologise. However angry and frustrated he feels it doesn't give him the right to take it out on you.
In case you think that's harsh, my old man has ms and it wheelchairbound too.
I like your style myrtle
I am with Myrtle on this one.

Very true saying from a song "You always hurt the one you love, the one you shouldn`t hurt at all".xx
I care for a young man with secondary progressive MS which has confined him to a wheelchair. He gets very frustrated and angry and I sometimes find it difficult to feel empathy for him when he curses and swears at me. I know he does not mean to be so aggressive and its just his frustration at not being able to do things but I get hurt when his words are so vicious. Does anyone else have to go through this tirade of verbal abuse just because we are the closest thing to them? Image
Hi nannyval
I actually have MS, so I often feel angry too. MS causes depression, so if he is not on any medication for depression then that's probably why he is being aggressive, I often wish I had a punchball so I could punch it, to de-stress myself, with MS; the silliest and smallest of things can annoy, daily things that he cannot do himself anymore like he used to, are probably what's annoying him, but he has no way of getting rid of the anger other than to take it out on you. If he is not on anti-depressants then I would suggest taking him to see his Gp to get some anti-depressants, if that doesn't work the only other thing I can suggest is taking him to see a shrink,(for this you may have to ask his Gp to transfer him) Hope this helps.