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Daughter's silent scream - Carers UK Forum

Daughter's silent scream

Tell us a bit about yourself here.
I'm the main Carer (live-out) to my 90 year old Mother. She's fiercely independent, can't manage looking after herself, but won't give in. She had a live-in Carer for one week, daily Carer visits of 2 hrs for 6 weeks - and got rid of them. My brothers leave her to me and my friends are sick and tired of listening to my rants! I am self employed, trying to juggle too many balls. Worn out. My Mother tells people she hasn't seen me and puts on a great act for visitors and Doctors. Her short term memory is terrible but she fools people into thinking she's fine. Would be great if an old fashioned Family GP would come and see her instead of the endless trail of foreign 'training' doctors who dish out pain killers for her back, but understand nothing of what's really going on. My husband from whom I am almost estranged, but share a house, is 70 and has recently been diagnosed with cancer.
Hello Janet. Really sorry to hear what you are having to cope with. My mum is very stubborn and wont accept the care she needs. My siblings largely leave stuff to me. Its taken over my life. Thats what happens. Very frustrating. Fortunately I am no longer working so am not as worn out as I might be.
Have you ever thought about speaking with Social Services about the situation. I am sure they will have come across similar scenarios before and would want to try and support you. I know what you mean about GPs. Those days are over.
Plenty of supportive folk here, Janet. Your situation will be familiar to too many, I'm sad to say. We are all just trying to do our best and keep our heads above water.

Take care,

Robert
Hi and welcme to the Forum.As Robert says,have a word with Social Services and see if you can get a care package in place.If your Mother refuses help explain the situation to her,whether she totally understands or not,and make it clear that you have responsibilities elsewhere and can only do so much.Make sure that you are okay,getting yourself into a situation where you are stressed will help nobody.Good luck. Image
Janet, if you get the chance, please let us know how you are today. Thanks.

Robert
Hi Janet and welcome Image
Welcome to the Forum, Janet. You certainly have a lot on your plate. I too am a member of the Carer to Stubborn Mothers Club and sometimes stubborn becomes plain devious. As the others have said, please contact Social Services and arrange for them to visit. I eventually convinced my mum to have twice-daily carers "for my benefit". She won't let them do anything but at least I know someone has visited when I am not around. I also told her that Social Services insist on Carelines being worn around the neck of their carees "a legal requirement" Image

I don't have anything useful to add, but please feel free to rant. There are enough of us around who do understand and have got the t-shirt and more Image . Take care, Anne
Hi Janet, welcome to the forum.
Think you need to speak to mum's GP and also get a care package arranged with Social Services.
I was in the same position as you but with father in law who refused any help, sent carers away 3 times a day and took refusal to a level I didnt think was possible Image Image
Perhaps a meeting with you, mum & Social Worker might have some impact on mum and gets things moving in the right direction.
Good luck Image