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Looking after Granny. - Carers UK Forum

Looking after Granny.

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Hello all,

I came to live with Gran in 2009 when I needed a new job and she had her shoulders replaced. Things ticked smoothly along and I didn't realise she was getting older and then......

Gran had a bad fall in April last year and was bedbound for 3 weeks until she was hauled into hospital and given physio so she could walk again, unfortunately she nearly lost her marbles but they have since returned.

The next visit to hospital came when she fell and cut her head open, needing staples, after this we had a nice calming sensation until she broke her wrist and ended up having it pinned and put in a cast for 6 weeks while she recovered in a home under the STARR scheme (it's new, am not sure how far wide it goes).

Since coming home in October Gran has stayed at home (thankfully), however I am starting to get frazzled working full time, looking after Gran and doing the shopping etc.

I don't actually know what planet I'm on half the time.

I have a doctors appointment on Monday so hopefully there will be some good news for my state of mind otherwise it's back to Disney movies and comfort food.

Hope to hear from somebody soon,

Helen.
When dis Gran last have a Social services assessment. When did they update your Carers Assessment? Or, as I suspect, have you never hesrd of these?!
We have been self funding since October because we are over the state threshold (think that's what the lady said). I'm trying to get some physiotherapy for gran because she is still a bit wobbly and her confidence isn't much better.
Did they do a proper financial assessment? Is Gran entitled to Attendance Allowance, which isn't means tested? Self funding does make things easier in some ways. Social services should still support you both, regardless of funding.
Hi - I can well see how stressful things have become for you. Two quick questions (neither of which, of course, you have to answer! But it simply 'plots us in' more!) -

How old is Gran?
Who else is in your family? (A polite way of asking, how come you are looking after your grandmother, and what has happened to her son/daughter, ie, your mum/dad, or any other children she may have, or siblings or cousins you have.)

Seems to me that a bit of 'sharing the caring' by the rest of your family (if there are any, that is, of course) might be a good idea......

Caring for an elderly person, under any circumstances, is very, very trying. Doing so when holding down a full time job is beyond trying....(because all too often, caring is itself an full time job....)

Wishing you all the best, and hoping you get your life back under control again!

Kind regards, Jenny.
Hi and welcome, Helen.
Hello Helen and welcome to the forum :)
I don't actually know what planet I'm on half the time.
Join the club :lol: when I was caring for my Mum (who had Alzheimer's) I became convinced that one of us was living on Alpha Centuri :lol: :lol: and there never seemed to be enough hours in the day or days in the week to get everything done :ohmy: But it is important that you get some 'me' time too. If not, you stand the chance of becoming ill through the stress so it's important that you keep that appointment with your GP.

Even though you are self-funding you should still be able to access support and help (albeit you may have to pay something towards it). Bowlingbun mentioned Attendance Allowance you can get more information about it here:
https://www.gov.uk/attendance-allowance/overview

Attendance Allowance is not means tested and is not included for tax purposes - it's the best kept secret around !!!! If granted it would mean that your Gran would have additional finances to pay for, say, a cleaner to come in once or twice a week which would give you more time.

The only other thing I would suggest is that your Gran is referred to the local Falls Assessment team - they would check your home for any 'hidden' hazards and make suggestions regarding walking aids that she needs to maintain her mobility.
Good point Susie. I'm wondering if mum has a physical condition causing the falls. My mum's legs would give way without warning due tp pressure on her nerves, as she was very bent from osteoporosis.
Hello all,

Sorry for taking a while getting back to you.

Answering Jenny Lucas' questions, Gran is 87 and is my mums mum, however it gets a little tricky because Gran doesn't want mum to know how things are due to mums habit of barging in and "taking over", also we wouldn't see Grans son, Uncle Titus again because mum and Uncle Titus fell out over a decade ago and Titus is quite happy never to speak to mum again :roll: apart from them I am an only child which makes everything delightful (heavy sarcasm).

We see Titus at the weekend, he deals with the carers payments and has set up internet banking except we haven't heard a dickey bird and sometimes he brings his girlfriend Liz, they call each other "partner" or "darling". *reaches for sick bucket*

I must go to the Age UK place in Bath and find out about Attendance Allowance and anything else I can get hold of, are maids available by any chance?

As far as aids go Gran has a lifeline pendant, zimmer and 4-wheeled trolley that she can get about with, she hasn't been referred to a falls clinic even though there is one nearby and I nearly killed myself transferring the "downstairs" upstairs and shifting her bed into the dining room so she could sleep downstairs although now it looks like she will be living downstairs which is causing great fun as she wants to go upstairs again.

Gran has had osteo-arthritis for as long as I can remember but I can't get over the shock of her suddenly getting old, sadly nobody seems to be listening and Gran is starting to think she is being a burden, I keep telling her she isn't but she hasn't been out of the house in a year apart from hospital visits and I think she is getting a bit down.

The thing that really bugs me is everyone apart from the carers who come in at breakfast and lunchtime seem to think that just because she is old she isn't worth bothering with and i don't think that's fair!

I must go to bed now, rant over.

Helen
Hi Helen,
You really must get in touch with Social Services for a Carers Assessment. Everyone else in the family seems to be getting what they want, leaving you under house arrest. I think you should also be talking to gran's bank about her money, to make sure Uncle Titus is not taking her money. Do you have access to statements, for example? Is he paying you to care for her? This would be permissible. Social Services should do a formal financial assessment before deciding if she has too much money - and in this way could check what he was doing.