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- Member
Thu Jun 17, 2021 7:23 am
Forgot to mention, despite back issues, I still manage to do everything I was doing for him before, albeit a lot slower now.
Looking after friend who is disabled and abusive towards me
Tell us a bit about yourself here.
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- Member
Thu Jun 17, 2021 9:25 am
I feel like a hypocrite writing this because I am stuck in a situation myself but my advice to you is to try to get a place for yourself you are probably entitled to Pip or something yourself with your back and other health issues and would probably be entitled to housing benefit etc. I think you should do this now whether he tries to kick you out or not as these things take a while to happen. I think if you had your own place you can still care for him if you wanted or not it would be up to you but if you did at least you would have your own space and not be completely dependant on him, hope this helps x
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- Member
Thu Jun 17, 2021 4:30 pm
Thank you all for the advice and support, much appreciated.
A quick update, my friend got up today, got himself dressed and went out on his mobility scooter somewhere. Don't know if he made the call as he's not talking to me, don't know where he went. When he goes out, I usually have to help him dress and uncover his mobility scooter. Today, he managed to do all that by himself miraculously!
I still feel very confused about what I should do, but the situation is affecting my asthma and probably thyroid too. I don't mind being ignored, much better than being shouted and sworn at. I may approach a charity for some help, but will definitely look into applying for PIP as my back has got worse not better and doctors have tried to help, but nothing really is. Also my mental health is being negatively affected (as are a lot of other people with the pandemic). If I need to, I will use this to help get a place of my own and take things from there. I have spoken to my parents and they are of the same opinion as most on here, he's abusing me. The problem with getting people to believe that is that he's very charming with others when meeting them and shows no signs of the behaviour he does with me at home. I can but try!
A quick update, my friend got up today, got himself dressed and went out on his mobility scooter somewhere. Don't know if he made the call as he's not talking to me, don't know where he went. When he goes out, I usually have to help him dress and uncover his mobility scooter. Today, he managed to do all that by himself miraculously!
I still feel very confused about what I should do, but the situation is affecting my asthma and probably thyroid too. I don't mind being ignored, much better than being shouted and sworn at. I may approach a charity for some help, but will definitely look into applying for PIP as my back has got worse not better and doctors have tried to help, but nothing really is. Also my mental health is being negatively affected (as are a lot of other people with the pandemic). If I need to, I will use this to help get a place of my own and take things from there. I have spoken to my parents and they are of the same opinion as most on here, he's abusing me. The problem with getting people to believe that is that he's very charming with others when meeting them and shows no signs of the behaviour he does with me at home. I can but try!
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- Member
Thu Jun 17, 2021 5:10 pm
You don't even have your own bedroom????
So you are a disabled sofa surfer!!
At least sign onto the council's housing register.
So you are a disabled sofa surfer!!
At least sign onto the council's housing register.
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- Member
Thu Jun 17, 2021 5:15 pm
No, I don't have my own bedroom. But I know how to apply to the council for housing. And after reading some advice last night I found out I can apply to any council for help with the abuse and they have an obligation to help, so feel a little more positive now and know there is plenty of support if I need it. Let's see what happens.
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- Member
Thu Jun 17, 2021 5:36 pm
Catherine, you will get lots of support here.
You are not the first person to have a less than perfect caree, who feels he has a right to take anything and everything out on his carer.
You are not the first person to have a less than perfect caree, who feels he has a right to take anything and everything out on his carer.
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- Member
Thu Jun 17, 2021 8:13 pm
Thank you. And I'm sure I won't be the last either. At least I know where to come if I need to vent
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- Member
Fri Jun 18, 2021 9:31 pm
Oh dear Catherine, you seem to be in a right kerfuffle.
Lots of points to cover so I will try and keep it brief.
* For the abuse, look at this website and then look for phone numbers for a local branch. They will do all they can to help you and will always text first before calling. Even if you decide not to move, you can ask them to call you once a week for a quick chat. Just phone them and explain what is going on in your life. They are trained professionals and will help you the best they can.
https://www.gov.uk/guidance/domestic-ab ... lsrc=aw.ds
* The Council do have an obligation to help but they won't place you into a flat or house straight away. They will most likely look at a domestic abuse refuge so you are out of the area and away from this person's coercive behaviour. Depending on the housing stock, they may even put you into a private rented property but anything is better than where you are currently. How old are you? They may even look at supported accommodation or a hostel even!
* If this friend is in a Council property, how have you sofa surfed for 10 years or have I understood it incorrectly? Has he declared to the Council you are living with him? Have you registered for Council Tax or are you exempt because said person is disabled?
* If said person is just a friend, I would just pack up and go! Obviously phone the Council first and tell them what is going on so they can place you in a refuge, temporary accommodation or supported accommodation until your head is clearer and you can plan something more long term.
* I know you have mentioned your family, are you able to break loose from this person and go and live with them for a bit before you look at something more long term maybe? If you had your family with you, hopefully they will support you a bit.
Well done for coming on here and having a rant and speaking up about it all. Domestic abuse is an awful thing to experience and a lot of people think if they keep quiet, it will go away but it never does. Look at the website and start phoning. Make an excuse and say you are off to feed the ducks if said person gets awkward with you. Good luck!
Lots of points to cover so I will try and keep it brief.
* For the abuse, look at this website and then look for phone numbers for a local branch. They will do all they can to help you and will always text first before calling. Even if you decide not to move, you can ask them to call you once a week for a quick chat. Just phone them and explain what is going on in your life. They are trained professionals and will help you the best they can.
https://www.gov.uk/guidance/domestic-ab ... lsrc=aw.ds
* The Council do have an obligation to help but they won't place you into a flat or house straight away. They will most likely look at a domestic abuse refuge so you are out of the area and away from this person's coercive behaviour. Depending on the housing stock, they may even put you into a private rented property but anything is better than where you are currently. How old are you? They may even look at supported accommodation or a hostel even!
* If this friend is in a Council property, how have you sofa surfed for 10 years or have I understood it incorrectly? Has he declared to the Council you are living with him? Have you registered for Council Tax or are you exempt because said person is disabled?
* If said person is just a friend, I would just pack up and go! Obviously phone the Council first and tell them what is going on so they can place you in a refuge, temporary accommodation or supported accommodation until your head is clearer and you can plan something more long term.
* I know you have mentioned your family, are you able to break loose from this person and go and live with them for a bit before you look at something more long term maybe? If you had your family with you, hopefully they will support you a bit.
Well done for coming on here and having a rant and speaking up about it all. Domestic abuse is an awful thing to experience and a lot of people think if they keep quiet, it will go away but it never does. Look at the website and start phoning. Make an excuse and say you are off to feed the ducks if said person gets awkward with you. Good luck!
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- Ambassadors
Sun Jun 20, 2021 5:06 pm
I think you know what you have to do, but plucking up the courage to do it is another matter.
The previous poster gave some excellent advice about how to get started.
The thing that really made me angry about your situation is that you sleep on the sofa while Sir has a bedroom.
This sounds like this is an incidence of coercive control and Citizens Advice may also help with what to do.
Change is possible, but nothing will change unless you change things by taking small steps forward .
My heart goes out to you and I hope this forum is some help and support for you
Jennifer
The previous poster gave some excellent advice about how to get started.
The thing that really made me angry about your situation is that you sleep on the sofa while Sir has a bedroom.
This sounds like this is an incidence of coercive control and Citizens Advice may also help with what to do.
Change is possible, but nothing will change unless you change things by taking small steps forward .
My heart goes out to you and I hope this forum is some help and support for you
Jennifer