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Long gasp of frustration from a newbie - Page 2 -Carers UK Forum

Long gasp of frustration from a newbie

Tell us a bit about yourself here.
Hi Faz,

Im really sorry to hear about the troubles youre going through as a carer for your mum. I just wanted to let you know that, if you do find that sharing your own experiences and hearing the experiences of similarly situated individuals does makes you feel better, Carers UK are running online weekly meet ups for unpaid carers to take some time for themselves and chat to other carers. Feel free to join if you'd like to and there's no pressure to share anything you don't want to.
https://www.carersuk.org/help-and-advic ... e-sessions - our next meetup is Monday the 26th July.
Inaam_2107 wrote:
Fri Jul 23, 2021 10:48 pm
Hi Faz,

Im really sorry to hear about the troubles youre going through as a carer for your mum. I just wanted to let you know that, if you do find that sharing your own experiences and hearing the experiences of similarly situated individuals does makes you feel better, Carers UK are running online weekly meet ups for unpaid carers to take some time for themselves and chat to other carers. Feel free to join if you'd like to and there's no pressure to share anything you don't want to.
https://www.carersuk.org/help-and-advic ... e-sessions - our next meetup is Monday the 26th July.
Thank you very much for the details of the session. I've been on this site a while and am finding it deeply distressing to see everyone else's pain here. It's a wonderful place for people to share but I'm not sure I can bear it personally. But perhaps worth a shot. Not sure.
Very much appreciate the thought. I hope you are keeping as well as you can be in amongst everything. Best wishes.
Lucy_21021 wrote:
Sat Jun 05, 2021 10:07 am
Hi Faz,
Welcome to the forum!

That's a lot of sacrifices you've had to make over the years. Its great you have reached out on the Carer's UK forum. You're not alone, we are sure that many on here will understand exactly how you feel and offer support. Carers UK may be able to help give you some guidance or information in relation to:
Benefits and financial support
Carers' assessments and how to get support in your caring role
Services available to carers and the people you care for
How to complain effectively and challenge decisions


Best Wishes,

Lucy.
Thank you
Karen Dee wrote:
Sat Jun 05, 2021 8:38 am
Hello Faz. It doesn't seem right that you should have to make so many sacrifices. The trouble is that by being such a caring, loving daughter you are ignoring your own needs. And what about your husband? It isn't very nice for him either, he must feel a bit neglected while you're putting your mum first all the time.
As your mum is in a Retirement complex couldn't carers on site help comfort and reassure your mum at nightime?
My advice is to start putting yourself and your husband first. Don't allow your mum to take over your life like this.
Oh wisdom, you speak wisdom, I know. Not easy to do, though. I'm starting eldercare coaching which I hope will help me work through this a bit. Thank you for your support. I hope your own situation is not weighing on you too hard right now.
I think my earlier comment about no one has any right to tell someone else what to do was misunderstood.
On the verge of a breakdown, I had counselling, and the counsellor was horrified that I was doing so much for others that I never ever did anything for me. It was OK when I was fit and had the back up of my husband, but I had major cancer surgery, lost my husband, and was disabled in a car accident, all in less than 2 years!!!

Once you realise that you do NOT have to do what you are told to, that you have a choice, and you are choosing to care, from LOVE, it all becomes easier. Well it did for me anyhow.
bowlingbun wrote:
Mon Aug 02, 2021 4:42 pm
I think my earlier comment about no one has any right to tell someone else what to do was misunderstood.
On the verge of a breakdown, I had counselling, and the counsellor was horrified that I was doing so much for others that I never ever did anything for me. It was OK when I was fit and had the back up of my husband, but I had major cancer surgery, lost my husband, and was disabled in a car accident, all in less than 2 years!!!

Once you realise that you do NOT have to do what you are told to, that you have a choice, and you are choosing to care, from LOVE, it all becomes easier. Well it did for me anyhow.
You very obviously have a big heart and a warm spirit.