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Carers UK Forum • Living with someone who has brain damage from stroke
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Living with someone who has brain damage from stroke

Posted: Sat Jan 18, 2020 6:39 pm
by Marie _2001
I’m new on here but I’m struggling to accept the brain damage my hubby has from a stroke 6 years ago. He’s getting worse every day goes to bed between 4-5pm daily ,he has no consideration for anyone only himself. Is there anyone else coping with something like this. Some days I feel like walking away

Re: Living with someone who has brain damage from stroke

Posted: Sat Jan 18, 2020 6:44 pm
by bowlingbun
Hi Marie, everyone has their breaking point, and it sounds as if you are at that point. I've been there myself.

To help us give best advice, here are a few starter questions.
There IS a point to each one, although they might seem random!
How old are you both?
What caused the brain damage?
Do you own your own home, or rent?
Is he claiming any disability benefits, Attendance Allowance or DLA?
Are you getting Carers Allowance?
When did Social Services last do a Needs Assessment for him and a Carers Assessment for you?
Did you get written copies, and any help as a result?

Is his GP surgery helpful?
Is your own GP aware of how you feel? Ask for urgent counselling.

Re: Living with someone who has brain damage from stroke

Posted: Sat Jan 18, 2020 6:51 pm
by Pet66
Hello and welcome to the forum Marie
Have you ever been in touch with the stroke society. They were helpful to me when my late hubby had strokes. The brain damage the stroke causes can make some sufferers very self centred and at times inappropriate. You shouldn't and can't be coping on your own.
Bowlingbuns questions are very relevant to you getting the help you need.

Re: Living with someone who has brain damage from stroke

Posted: Sat Jan 18, 2020 7:13 pm
by Marie _2001
Hi Pet The stroke society have been no help at all. My hubby thinks there is nothing wrong with him hence he won't accept any help from anywhere.Most of the time I can cope it's just days like today when it gets to me. Just knowing someone understands helps.

Re: Living with someone who has brain damage from stroke

Posted: Sat Jan 18, 2020 7:22 pm
by Pet66
I definitely understand you. Shame the stroke society are less than helpful to you.
Is yours husband's memory impaired and getting worse? His not understanding that he has a disability is very concerning.

Re: Living with someone who has brain damage from stroke

Posted: Sat Jan 18, 2020 7:30 pm
by bowlingbun
Marie, I'm sure we can find some additional support for you, but how and where from depends on your answers to my questions.

Re: Living with someone who has brain damage from stroke

Posted: Sat Jan 18, 2020 7:44 pm
by Marie _2001
He's 73 I'm 67. The brain damage is front lobe caused by the stroke and possibly made worse from lack of oxygen after a traumatic suicide attempt. We own our home and he gets attendance allowance but I don't get carers allowance because of my pension. We've never been involved with social services however we did get help from the mental health crisis team after he was sent home from hospital after his attempt on his life. He see a psychiatrist every 4 months for a medication review but when offered a day care centre a couple of times a week he refuses.He just sits watching television all day won't move out of the house at all. I have had counselling once after his attempt that was NHS and once 18 months ago which I paid privately for

Re: Living with someone who has brain damage from stroke

Posted: Sat Jan 18, 2020 9:49 pm
by sunnydisposition
Can your husband be left at home. It seems if he want except help. You need to get support for you. So you can cope better. If you feel support this may help you going forward.

Re: Living with someone who has brain damage from stroke

Posted: Sun Jan 19, 2020 9:29 am
by Henrietta
Hi Marie
I also understand as I cared for my Dad at home after a stroke and subsequent decline over many years.
Sorry if you have already done this but please ask your local authority for a needs assessment for your husband and most importantly a separate carers assessment for yourself. It can be difficult when the person you care for refuses outside help but you can at least get some respite breaks going through the carers assessment process which will be a start and give you some short me time. This is very much just a starting point but you do need to be known to social services. It is no longer the stigma that it once was and by no means a reflection on your own ability. That is why you have been paying your Council Tax for years so please make yourself known.