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new to caring - Carers UK Forum

new to caring

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Hi. I'm looking for advice. Actually reading all the messages in these forums makes me feel extremely ashamed of myself, you all cope with so much and usually willingly.

My problem is my mother in law has had a stroke. Up to then she was almost completely independent, even driving herself to the shops and to friends etc (she is 84). Now she is in hospital needing "full care" and they are talking about where she goes next. She is able to communicate a bit and wants to go home.

Her home is up the road from us, and she lives there alone since her husband died 2 years ago. My husband works long hours, and I work 3 days a week. Since our kids left home I have enjoyed having time to myself and being a free agent.

My sister in law and her husband live in Florida.

It seems to me that if she goes home, even with a "full care" package, she will be alone much of the time and I will feel that I have to spend much of my spare time with her. I will also be responsible for her washing, which I don't mind so much, and meals, which I feel will be great tie.

I'm fond of my MIL, but I have never wanted to live with her. I've always thought that I would never want to care intimately for anyone, even my own parents. Perhaps I could manage for a while, but this is long term, and I already feel trapped.

And yet it seems so unfair to tell her that she can't come home and send her to a nursing home instead.

In short, I'm torn in two. I want to do the "right thing" but I'm terrified.

Any advice would be very welcome.

sue Image
Hi Sue, welcome to the forum.

You are faced with a bit of a dilemma. My only advice is that you, as you have already said, do the right thing. Just make sure it's the right thing for you.
hi sue welcome you will have to do what you think is right,im new here to carers as well and i dont know what to say as you have to decide,i am very soft and i love old people,when its your family you want to do the best for them,the lovely people on here look after their own,from what little i know until they cant,if it was my family or ohs i wouldnt want them in a home,could i cope looking after them 24/7,i really dont know,my mum looked after both her parents while they were still in their own home,she wasnt living with them and she had a full time job working in a private nursing home,she did this until they eventually had no choice to put them in a home,i have to say she was knackered though,it was a full time commitment,you have to think it through properly before you decide,if she is well enough to stay in her own house,then with help maybe she can,there will be other members who know much more than me,i look after my hubby who is a young guy,all the best for what choice you make hugs x
Hi and welcome, you'll find with the forum that you're not all alone.