jean I am new

[Jean_16091]

I went to killing worth last week and met Barbrabut there only three people there . I need help with my husband who is 88and very hard to control .he ha memory shouts and gets me in a corner and goes red in the face I am sure he will hit some day. He has dementia but no one belives me memory clinic or social but keep asking for help but they keep asking how much money we have to pay for a carra sorry have to go low battery's

[Elaine]

Hello Jean and welcome to the forum,
I'm sorry you are finding everything so stressful at the moment and are so worried about your husband's behaviour. Sounds like you do need some help in order to get practical help in place.
Have you tried contacting Age Concern? They should send someone round to help you sort out what you need to do. Yes SS will ask how much money you have because depending on your answer they will either find some carers for you and ask you to pay, or pay for them for you. The magic number they are looking for is £23,500.00. Now if your hubby has that much money, not both of you, just his share, then he will have to pay for any care. However does he get Attendance Allowance? That would help a bit.
Is there a family member who would help you sort things out?
Have you been to your GP too and explained how things are?

Elaine

[jenny lucas]

You definitely need help!

Start with your GP, and just tell him/her what you've told us about your husband. Sadly, dementia can make even kind, quiet people behave horribly (it's the disease.) You do need to tell the doctor how he shouts at you and gets you into a corner, and is threatening towards you.

They are asking about how much money you have, because, as Elaine says, if you have a certain amount, you have to pay for care.

Do you and your husband own where you live, or is it rented?

If it's owned by you, how much is it worth? Then halve that amount - because only half belongs to your husband.

So, if your house or flat is worth, say, £200,000, then your husband's half is worth £100,000.

Have you and your husband got any savings? Again, only half is his.

So, if you have say £10,000 of savings in the bank or building society, then your husband owns £5,000 of that.

If you rent your flat/house, then you only have to count up your savings.

Sadly, if your husband is becoming aggressive, or worse, violent or threatening, he may have to go into a Care Home. This will keep him safe, and you safe too.

Wishing you all the best at a worrying time. Kind regards, Jenny

[Carers UK Admin]

I went to killing worth last week and met Barbrabut there only three people there . I need help with my husband who is 88and very hard to control .he ha memory shouts and gets me in a corner and goes red in the face I am sure he will hit some day. He has dementia but no one belives me memory clinic or social but keep asking for help but they keep asking how much money we have to pay for a carra sorry have to go low battery's

Hi Jean,

I'm sorry to hear you're having such a tough time at the moment. If you feel your husband has dementia, but are finding it difficult to get a diagnosis, you could see if the Alzheimer’s Society can offer any advice on this. Their website is https://www.alzheimers.org.uk and you can call their helpline on 0300 222 11 22.

They also have a webpage on aggressive behaviour which you might find useful: https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/site/scri ... umentID=96

I also just wanted to note that if you are ever in danger you can contact the emergency services on 999.

You've mentioned that social services have asked about how much money you and your husband have. I would recommend that you contact the Carers UK Adviceline so you can get expert advice on your situation from our advisers. You can call the Adviceline on 0808 808 7777 (Mon-Fri, 10am - 4pm) or email the team at advice@carersuk.org

If social services offer support to you and/or your husband then it is likely that they would want to carry out a financial assessment. The rules on how local councils carry out financial assessments differ in England, Wales, Scotland and Northern Ireland. The value of the home you live in is not normally taken into account. However, you should contact the Adviceline for further advice as the rules can be complicated.

I hope this helps.

Kate

[jenny lucas]

Kate, you say the value of your own home is not taken into account, BUT, is that only while you yourself are alive? ie, the council can come along after your death and claim half as 'back payment' for care home fees they've paid for your husband???

[Carers UK Admin]

Hi Jenny,

Thanks for your question. To make sure we give the most accurate advice, it’s really important that people contact the Carers UK Adviceline so they can talk about their specific situation and circumstances in detail, confidentially. They can call on 0808 808 7777 (Mon-Fri, 10am-4pm) or email us at advice@carersuk.org

We’re not able to give advice to individuals publicly on the forum. However, I do see that this is a really important issue where it would help to have some information about how local authorities carry out financial assessments. Because of this, we’ve decided that the next ‘Ask the expert’ feature will answer this question. We’ll send it out in the forum email newsletter and post it on the forum once it’s done.

All the best,

Kate

[Elaine]

Kate,
I think a lot of people worry about whether the remaining partner or even child or sibling would have to sell their home to pay for care fees. Does this change according to the LA or is there a general rule about it? I've always thought that if one spouse has Nursing Home Care for example, then the remaining partner would not have to sell their home to pay for it, at least while they are alive and living there. Am I wrong there? Does it depend on where you live?
E.

[jenny lucas]

Kate, I think that as much clarification as Carers UK can give on this thorny topic would be much appreciated! I'm in a very 'simple' situation as in MIL's money will ALL be spent on her care, unless she dies before it's all gone, and that's that!

However, something that I've raised elsewhere on the forum a while a go in respect of another thread was the very thorny issue of 'gifting' property to children well before death.

As is quite common, some parents gift their children their property and then live on for seven years thereafter in order to avoid (quite legally!) inheritance tax.

BUT, on a You and Yours programme a while back about Care Costs for the elderly, that issue was touched upon, but not resolved. The KEY question is, while the taxman is happy not to put his hand out providing seven years have elapsed between the gifting and death, the local authority may not be so forebearing! There is therefore the CRUCIAL issue of just how long a gap between the gift and death that local authorities will regard as 'acceptable' before they put in to claw back care home fees from a 'property-less' elderly person who gave away their property to their children seven years or more ago....

I do feel that this is something that REALLY needs to be looked at!

Imagine a scenario in which a parent gifts a house to their adult son/daughter, who move in and live in it merrily for seven years, after which it's regarded as IHT-free, BUT the (now property-less)parent is still alive, goes into a care home, and then suddenly the local authority says 'Hang on, we want the value of the house you gave away eight years ago!'.....and takes away the son/daughter's house!

Thank you!

[susieq]

@ Jenny & Elaine

please can we get back to Jean's original post ?
Kate has said that she will get the Adviceline team to address this issue in the next "Ask the Expert" feature on the forum (Kate is a Senior Communication Officer for CUK with special responsibility for the running of the forum, she is not a member of the Adviceline team.)