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Jealousy - Carers UK Forum

Jealousy

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Hi, I am new here and would welcome some advice/support. My husband has had a huge breakdown over the summer which resulted in him being sectioned. He has been diagnosed as suffering from delusional jealousy and is under the impression that I was/am having an affair. This was not the case and he put me through hell trying to prove he was right, searching emails and facebook, putting a tracking device on my phone and even attempted sexual assault. I have stuck by him despite the fact that I am absolutely petrified. He has returned home this week and although he is making the right noises to the professionals, I know that he still believes that I am being unfaithful. I cannot relax around him and he keeps trying to "test" me about my whereabouts etc, turning up unexpectedly. I am finding it really difficult to keep calm and that makes things worse. Any advice gratefully appreciated.
Hi, I am new here and would welcome some advice/support. My husband has had a huge breakdown over the summer which resulted in him being sectioned. He has been diagnosed as suffering from delusional jealousy and is under the impression that I was/am having an affair. This was not the case and he put me through hell trying to prove he was right, searching emails and facebook, putting a tracking device on my phone and even attempted sexual assault. I have stuck by him despite the fact that I am absolutely petrified. He has returned home this week and although he is making the right noises to the professionals, I know that he still believes that I am being unfaithful. I cannot relax around him and he keeps trying to "test" me about my whereabouts etc, turning up unexpectedly. I am finding it really difficult to keep calm and that makes things worse. Any advice gratefully appreciated.
Hello and welcome Desdemona
I just wanted to say that, what you are going through sounds horrendous and it must be an awful situation for you both, the accuser and the accused and I cant imagine what that is like. If that was me, I would make an appointment with my GP and tell him everything, as you do need some advice and support and being petrified is extremly worrying ( unless GP knows already). Also The CAB could be very helpful and would put you intouch with the right organisations.Please let us know how you get on.

Good luck and best wishes RRB
Hello and welcome Image Image

Feel so sorry for you. Your situation sounds unbearable, but you have to put yourself first.
If your living your life in fear, then it becomes no life at all. He has already attempted a sexual assault...thats horrific and a criminal offence.

You cant live like this Desdemona. Im sure you must love him dearly and i know he has problems, but you have a right to live your life in peace.
Welcome to the forum. It's an awful dilemma. In your shoes, I think I could only stay if I felt truly safe, but you say you are absolutely petrified, and that really, really worries me. I would plan my escape, just in case - clothes and essentials somewhere else, some money, somewhere safe for me to go at a moment's notice. It doesn't sound as if the hospital are giving you enough support, can you go back to them and explain your fears? Do they think he will get better? Have they arranged any daily support for both of you? Please take great care.
Hi, I’m new here too and I am in a similar situation to you. My husband blows up regularly every 6 to 8 weeks. He keeps notes on me, imaginary phone calls and every time I go see our children I must be meeting some one there. He has called the police and written to the courts to have the men I’m supposed to be seeing arrested. Like your husband he is also making the right noises to the professionals but not to me.

Unlike your husband he has not been sectioned and because of his disabilities his violence is only verbal but very cruel.

Two good pieces of advice I was given recently was,
1 Do not take responsibility for his illness. I started to avoid smiling, talking to and answering men even when they only said good morning in the street. No matter how many times you say it’s not true or if you can prove you are not doing any thing wrong. His condition will not let him believe you without that professional help but he will only get the right help if he is truthful with them.

Because trying to make my husband understand I’m not up to something and trying to prove it makes him worse, this may not work for others.
2 I say “so what” or OK and walk away and go for a walk.

He may not talk to me for a day or two but after that he has calmed down.

I have been with him 32 years, if he physically hurt me once I would be out the door, no question.

Look after you self, best wishes
Hi, I am new here and would welcome some advice/support. My husband has had a huge breakdown over the summer which resulted in him being sectioned. He has been diagnosed as suffering from delusional jealousy and is under the impression that I was/am having an affair. This was not the case and he put me through hell trying to prove he was right, searching emails and facebook, putting a tracking device on my phone and even attempted sexual assault. I have stuck by him despite the fact that I am absolutely petrified. He has returned home this week and although he is making the right noises to the professionals, I know that he still believes that I am being unfaithful. I cannot relax around him and he keeps trying to "test" me about my whereabouts etc, turning up unexpectedly. I am finding it really difficult to keep calm and that makes things worse. Any advice gratefully appreciated.

Hi I find I am a bit like that, you may find that your partner is feeling insecure, feeling like he's going to lose you, and if he thinks he wont cope without you, then he's feeling insecure as I do sometimes when my partner talks to other women, it all comes down to depression in the end, but a psychotherapist should be able to help.
Or sometimes if a man/woman has an affair with someone else they can then become paranoid and feel like there partner is cheating on them, I had affairs when I was with my ex husband and it left me feeling like he was cheating on me, and those feelings are still with me now. I love my partner and I know he wouldn't do anything like that but I often look at things and take them the wrong way. hope this helps. Joanne