is this going to be the rest of my life...?

[Sue_15071]

Hi there,
Sorry I'm a newbie to this forum. Only joined today out of desperation!
Anyway, I've been caring for my Mum for 15 years and it's really beginning to get me down. She nags me silly - she's 80 - for cups of tea, etc.
It wasn't too bad at first but now she's incontinent which isn't too nice for me! I am also epileptic. I have been since childhood but grew out of it and led a normal life.
Now though, due to all the stress and worry with Mum it has come crashing back like a bomb has hit me. I had to give up the gym due to the epilepsy and I can't travel any
more due to that and looking after Mum. I just feel well and truly trapped in my own body and in the house with Mum
If I do feel well I try to keep busy but there's only so much housework you can do.
I don't even go shopping now as Mum has had so many falls. I just do it online.
I started an Open University Degree but that didn't work due to Mum constantly having visitors and her hairdresser, manicurist, etc., in and out!!

[bowlingbun]

Sue, you can't go on like this. Make sure mum has a Needs Assessment from Social Services, you have a Carers Assessment from them too (away from home and mum). There are all sorts of things available, depending on where you live. It's really important that you have some regular "me" time, so that you have some sort of life to go back to when your caring role is over. Mum can have a Lifeline, so if she falls when you are out, she can summon help. Has she seen a "Continence Nurse" from your surgery, to find out why she is having problems. Sometimes there are good solutions. In the mean time, do you have a tumble dryer as well as a washing machine? Laundry can be a big problem. If mum is having a steady stream of visitors, that is usually a good thing. Why do you need to get involved? If it's just door opening and closing duty, then get a Keysafe - under £20, goes on the wall or door frame. Key inside, then they can let themselves in and out. Just think of each individual problem, and if there's one you can't find an answer to, share it with us. Why can't mum make her own tea and coffee, for example?

[Henrietta]

Social Services should be able to provide and fit a keysafe free of charge and itis not means tested- just ask for it at the needs assessment

[RUTH_15081]

Hello Sue

Like you I have just joined the site out of desperation, and already feel so much better and hope you will too from reading the advice on offer for different questions. Your mother should qualify for community care and you need to speak with your GP about this. The key idea is great, and as a former community carer, can say that you need carers to go in two or three times a day to help her. The social service team can come for an assessment of her needs and provide aids free of charge. Do contact your GP for advice. Having worked with the elderly for fifteen years until a career change, one of the most important things for your mother is to remain mobile; encourage her to make her own tea, and managable meals such as a sandwich. THis will promote her independance and keep her mobile.
I do hope this helps, and one last thing, re-start your degree!

Best wishes

Ruth