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Is it possible for my parents to move in with us? - Page 4 - Carers UK Forum

Is it possible for my parents to move in with us?

Tell us a bit about yourself here.
Bowlingbun,

I will contact Carers UK definitely. Thank you again for your help - i'll move off this thread with apologies xxx
Barbara, if you send a message to the mods they can start a new thread for you, with the story so far. Everyone here is pretty relaxed about the forum rules, because threads often head off in an entirely different direction, and I've been responsible more than once for that!
""Believe me, this is a bad idea.
We moved my husband's mother in with us, and it almost wrecked our marriage.
In your circumstances the financial side of it would bankrupt you, but the emotional stress would be intolerable. My MIL was the mildest person you could imagine until she moved in with us. She became a demanding tyrant almost overnight and eventually lead to my husband leaving his mum in my care and finding somewhere to go every evening, returning around midnight when I'd put her to bed myself.
It wore me into an exhausted wreck and I seriously considered leaving home and letting him look after her.
Consider she may soon need dressing, washing, spoon feeding - and this always falls to the woman (OK the man may help on occasion but only as a novelty 'one off').
Please don't do it! ""

Barbara - did you ever get a thread of your own? I do think it would be useful.

Yours is a dreadful example of a good intention gone badly wrong. I must say, I think it absolute cheek of your husband to 'run away' as he has, considering it's HIS mother. I do think it's time you put your foot down, and say you are NOT prepared to have her with you any longer, and it's time she went into a care home, and that's that. Time you got your life back.
Thank you everyone for the comments, very interesting and informative.

I'm about to write to our solicitor for advice on the following subjects, please feel free to correct me or guide me as you all seem so well informed.

1) I need to get POA for my Dad

2) Having done 1 above, I need to get my parents to change their home ownership ownership from joint tenants to tenants in common.

3) Having completed 2 above I need to get wills changed so that both parents are leaving their 1/2 of the family home to their children

4) I need confirmation the LA does not currently have a charge on my parents home, though this seems unlikely.

5) I need to find out if my Mum does indeed qualify for a carer, and if I can do that in her home, and if so get a contract drawn up.

6) Would it be worth having wills changed so the home is rented if my Mum went into care instead of sold, and the LA take from that instead of the sale of the house (I've no idea how that would work).

7) Is it possibly for my Mum to loan me to buy my own home so I can prepare it properly and move both parents in if required, if yes I would then take Dad out from care to be cared for here with us and Mum. They would need separate accommodation.

I suspect options 6 and 7 are quite unlikely but considering my parents could both still live for some years yet it's worth at least investigating.

If however that is what came to pass, the financial reward for me looking after my parents here, something my brother would have little to do with, would be that I would own my own home and the sale of my parents house in the future would still be equally split between my brother and I.

We have LPA's being signed currently for my Mum, so I think that covers it for now.

The lady who 'hijacked' the thread, please don't apologise, it's not necessary. Sounds like some of you are having a horrid time of it and I wish you all all the best.
Hi Robert
Well worth talking though with a solicitor, but do be aware as Dad already has a diagnosis of dementia it may already be too late to change anything that would require his agreement as he may be deemed not to have capacity, e.g. wills and poa.

Certainly get poa for Mum and wills done for her asap. (Solicitor will check she knows what's going in and has capacity)

We rent out my Mums (central London) flat and the rent from that plus her pensions pays her care home fees. She set up POA and my brother manages the rental (through agents). The rent goes into her bank account and brother pays the care home from that account. As she is self funding SS are not involved at all and Home is just glad to get the money. In the nicest way they don't care where it comes from just that it gets to them. Dad died many years ago so only her to sort out, phew!

Don't know on the rest, sorry
Kr
MrsA
Robert_18011 wrote:
Wed Feb 14, 2018 9:14 pm
1) I need to get POA for my Dad

2) Having done 1 above, I need to get my parents to change their home ownership ownership from joint tenants to tenants in common.
As Mrs A has pointed out, if your father is already regarded as not capable of making his own decisions, it's too late to get a POA. Instead, you'd have to apply to the Court of Protection (I think that's what it';s called - your solicitor will be able to tell you) for their equivalent. It's quite expensive - I'm not sure how many thousands. You'd need to ask the solicitor. That would have to be paid up front.

Once someone is a deputy for your father, then legal decisions - such as the change of ownership in the house, or a will, can be made.
6) Would it be worth having wills changed so the home is rented if my Mum went into care instead of sold, and the LA take from that instead of the sale of the house (I've no idea how that would work).
I doubt they'd take income from the house. I think they'd want the debt to be repaid. If your mum went into care, and your dad was still in care, the LA would probably assess them both in terms of a charge on their share of the house. Again, you ought to ask a solicitor who knows about these things.
7) Is it possibly for my Mum to loan me to buy my own home so I can prepare it properly and move both parents in if required, if yes I would then take Dad out from care to be cared for here with us and Mum. They would need separate accommodation.
I'd say yes with a hefty BUT. If your mum went into care before the house was done up, such a loan MIGHT be viewed by the LA as deprivation of assets. But I'm no expert - all I do is read the information available. You really need proper legal advice before committing yourself to that.
I'm stunned that Mrs A's mum can pay her care home fees out of her pension and rental income! Central London must cost a fortune to rent in!

Bear in mind my MIL with dementia is (self-paying) A HUNDRED POUNDS A DAY. She would need an annual income of £3,6500 (and another hundred quid on top of that for a leap year!)

Rob, yet again, Please please please be VERY careful about bringing your mum and dad to live with you. What may seem OK while they are as they are NOW, may (will?!) look VERY different in a few years time when your dad's dementia has worsened (remember, my MIL now can't walk, talk, recognise anyone and is doubly incontinent)(and before that used to wander around all night....) (with dementia they CANNOT be 'reasoned with' - they DO WHAT THEY WANT), and your mum may also have developed dementia/other health issues. They won't stay the way they are now, that,sadly, is for sure. And the one thing that is a dead cert on this forum is that elderly, frail, needy parents do NOT die at our convenience!!!!

If you DO decide to take them both on, and in, then make sure you have an exit route, financialy and emotionally and in practical terms.
I'm stunned that Mrs A's mum can pay her care home fees out of her pension and rental income! Central London must cost a fortune to rent in!
http://www.rightmove.co.uk/property-to- ... Type=flats

Jenny, not that Mum's modest flat is in the top bracket by any means.. the top prices are eye watering!
I wish I could hear your reaction! :o
Hi Robert

You are obviously worried about your frail Mother living alone, which is totally understandable. At present, your Father is cared for in a safe environment, and appears settled, so whilst deciding and exploring the best way forward with your long term plans of having both parents live with you in the family home, your Mother could move in with you, as a guest, immediately, where she will feel safe and well cared for, and as you have the third bedroom, she will also have her own privacy.

As far as your Father is concerned, how the Local Authorities respond to your wishes, will depend on what level of care your Father requires, and if your home is suitable, but please, be sure the Local Authorities have allocated a care coordinator, with a detailed care plan in hand before your Father comes to live with you, with details and contact numbers of all the agencies involved with your Fathers welfare.

Caring for a person with dementia at home can be physically and emotionally draining, and a support network as a safety net, is imperative, as far as I am concerned. I have been caring for my son with vascular dementia, at my home for the past five years, and I have not regretted one single moment. I could not have done it without the support from his Medical and Mental Health teams, my Carers support networks and all the other services involved directly and indirectly with my sons care.

Working as a team, has made our difficult journey, a happy and successful one.

We are happy and content.

We wish you all the very best for your future plans.