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caring role - Carers UK Forum

caring role

Tell us a bit about yourself here.
I have been a carer for my husband who is 56 years old for over 5 years now, he suffered a massive stroke over 5 years ago just after his 51st birthday, It was a massive shock and has turned my world upside down, his stroke has caused brain damage and weakness on his left side so he can not walk, his personality has changed so he is not the man I married, as a result I have suffered with depression and am now a recovering alcoholic.
I am glad I found this site, may be some one else is in the same situation as me it would be nice to hear some other peoples situations.

Patricia - welcome. This is a warm, friendly place, and although we have an assortment of care situations, we all wear those painful shoes......

Are you getting all the allowances etc that your situation entitles you both to, and when did you, personally, last have an 'away day' or even a brief break (or a not so brief one!)

A change in personality can be the hardest thing of all to cope with, whether its by brain injury or dementia, or sometimes just extreme old age taking its toll, or mental health issues of course.

Kind regards for now, Jenny ('hands off' carer to MIL who is now in a home for advanced dementia at the age of 92)
PS - I do appreciate how much of a 'shock' (to put it mildly!) it must have been when your husband had a stroke so young. I went through something similar in my fifties when my husband got a diagnosis out of the blue of terminal cancer. The devastation to our lives was absolute. A living nightmare. Everything we'd taken for granted just 'gone'......

We mourn the life that we have lost, and it's very hard indeed.
Hi Trish
So sorry this dreadful thing has happened to you and you husband. I am not in the same situation, I have a 100 (in August) yr old Mum, now in a Home but I can imagine the drastic change this has brought about. Do you get any support from family, friends, Social Services etc and as Jenny said, are you sure you are getting everything due to you benefits wise? If you aren't sure you can e-mail the 'Help' on this site and give them, in confidence, your details and what you are claiming and they will help you.
There must be charities and associations for Stroke, which may be able to help and advise too. Do not be proud. Reach out to everyone and everything you can find to provide support. I hope the Occupational Therapist has been helping you with appropriate equipment and so on?
keep posting here and let off steam or ask for advice. If we can possibly help, we will, even if it's just sending you a virtual hug. Like this. (((hug)))
Thanks for all your replies I am getting carers allowance and my husband gets DLA allowance I have just put in for
ESA but I have not heard any thing for ages so it is worrying as all my savings are going down very quickly, and no I have not had a break as I only get 3 hours a week for some one to sit with my husband, my husband is getting worse so i wonder what will happen in the future as I will not be able to get out the house at all, he does not get physio as they said that they can not do any thing else for him

You need more help. Have you asked Social Services for a Needs Assessment for your OH, and a Carers Assessment for you?