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Re: mental health - Carers UK Forum

Re: mental health

Tell us a bit about yourself here.
Hi,
I don’t even know where to start, I have a 30 year old daughter with BPD I also have a 10 year old daughter who has ASD as a result of my eldest daughter I now care for my grandson who is also 10 & has attachment disorder, trauma & is unable to be assessed properly because of the proceedings still ongoing, my husband has had 2 strokes & if that’s not enough I have a rare disease. I receive no support from anywhere & social services are the worst! I’m not sure how much longer I can continue to live like this, every day is like a recurring nightmare & I feel like now they’ve removed my grandchildren it’s out of sight out of mind, my grandson is struggling badly & this reflects in his behaviour, his mother is also due to give birth again in the next few weeks & the craziest part of this is they are recommending she keep this baby because of her partner! I mean how many children have to be damaged before they learn! Does anyone have any similar situation?
I'm a bit confused about who is currently living where? You talk about the children being "removed".

You also say that they can't be assessed at the moment because of ongoing things. Surely they should have been assessed before they were removed???

Most of all, I'm concerned that no one seems to be properly considering your own health and well being??
Hi,
So my eldest daughter lives on her own, the children were removed on a section 20 so she still has PR, they were removed initially by myself as my daughter was having an episode is the only short way to put it & social services were brought in the following morning, only because on this occasion my 6 year old granddaughter thought her mother was going to kill them both, we have had the children now for 18 months and are still in court proceedings to obtain a care order, my grandson lives with me & my granddaughter lives with my sister but I look after her every day as she works, it is very complicated & difficult I know, Eastenders would say no to this as it’s so unreal but it is our lives! Social services are diabolical to be polite. My autistic daughter lives with me & as I only have a 3 bed house it wouldn’t have worked very well her sharing her room hence my sister taking my granddaughter. My husband & I obviously live in the home too. I feel like im going mad just writing this down, ironically court is on for 3 days again this week & my nerves are so on edge.
Hi Wendy,
My goodness you are supporting a lot of people, no wonder you are exhausted. You definitely need support!

Contact social services and ask for a Carers Assessment. https://www.carersuk.org/help-and-advic ... assessment When you have requested one, let us know and we can help you prepare.

Ok, carees, let's start with your husband, what sort of help does he need e.g. does he need personal care or help going out? What is his mobility like? If needs help with any of these then a Needs assessment for him, could lead to some practical help. https://www.carersuk.org/help-and-advic ... assessment

Does your younger daughter go to a mainstream school? Does she attend any clubs, playschemes or have respite or anything like that, just to give you a bit of a break?

Your Grandson. Parenting someone with attachment disorder is notoriously difficult. Play therapy or similar for him would really help. Although there are currently ongoing proceedings, he does have a supportive home, is it worth pushing to see if they can make him the exception to the rule and get him some emotional support. If social care wont budge, then try it through his school. They have various protocol they can follow to increase support around a child and family.

Finally your pregnant daughter - well I'm sorry to say, but this one is on social services. Its up to them to monitor your daughter and partner, support them and the baby when it's due. Any concerns you have once it's due - alert the safeguarding team. You cannot take on anymore!

Hope this helps a bit.

Melly1

PS just typed this the same time as you were typing Wendy, so if there is any overlap, I'm sorry.
Hi,
So my eldest daughter lives on her own, the children were removed on a section 20 so she still has PR, they were removed initially by myself as my daughter was having an episode is the only short way to put it & social services were brought in the following morning, only because on this occasion my 6 year old granddaughter thought her mother was going to kill them both, we have had the children now for 18 months and are still in court proceedings to obtain a care order, my grandson lives with me & my granddaughter lives with my sister but I look after her every day as she works, it is very complicated & difficult I know, Eastenders would say no to this as it’s so unreal but it is our lives! Social services are diabolical to be polite. My autistic daughter lives with me & as I only have a 3 bed house it wouldn’t have worked very well her sharing her room hence my sister taking my granddaughter. My husband & I obviously live in the home too. I feel like im going mad just writing this down, ironically court is on for 3 days again this week & my nerves are so on edge.
Wendy_191112345 wrote:
Tue Nov 19, 2019 3:14 pm
Hi,
So my eldest daughter lives on her own, the children were removed on a section 20 so she still has PR, they were removed initially by myself as my daughter was having an episode is the only short way to put it & social services were brought in the following morning, only because on this occasion my 6 year old granddaughter thought her mother was going to kill them both, we have had the children now for 18 months and are still in court proceedings to obtain a care order, my grandson lives with me & my granddaughter lives with my sister but I look after her every day as she works, it is very complicated & difficult I know, Eastenders would say no to this as it’s so unreal but it is our lives! Social services are diabolical to be polite. My autistic daughter lives with me & as I only have a 3 bed house it wouldn’t have worked very well her sharing her room hence my sister taking my granddaughter. My husband & I obviously live in the home too. I feel like im going mad just writing this down, ironically court is on for 3 days again this week & my nerves are so on edge.
This is like a weird movie... have to ask have you requested a needs assessment or not?
So just spoken to the children’s guardian & yet again court is to adjourned on Thursday, social worker has stood up & told blatant lies about us the school how the meetings are going etc! Till the children’s guardian stood up & said that’s not right & she even said she had upon our request spoken to the school headmaster, which social worker argued wasn’t the headmaster! So the guardian pulled up the website & showed the judge a photo of the headmaster with his name under it!! 🤣 I mean I feel like crying right now really! So now it will go to March next year over 2 years since they were removed!! How is this happening?? I totally get how children in this country are so badly let down!