im new to this forum

Tell us a bit about yourself here.
Hi my name is Trisha and I'm a 45 year old carer for my husband John. I have been his full time carer for a year now. he suffers from various conditions but mainly spinal spondylosis, osteoarthritis in both knees and shoulders and a rare auto immune disease. he has a lot of chest and lung problems which keeps me awake most of the night. I feel most of the time so lonely, i feel guilty when I do go out as I know John only goes out if I take him out. I don't know anyone else who is a carer so don't speak to anyone. I also help johns mum and dad as they are elderly and need more help with cleaning and sometimes shopping. I'm so tired xxxx
Belated welcome to the forum.
Sorry you are feeling low and lonely. Feelings common to many hands on carers. As are feelings of guilt.....usually displaced I hasten to add! Try to acknowledge that you are entitled to a snatched bit of "me" time when you can. You are important too ok?

I am a just a former carer....lost my husband a year ago after many years of caring. Hindsight view? I don't regret a minute of it now. Didn't want him to face his challenges of course, would have preferred our lives to be illness and disability free.

I hope others will be along soon to say hello. So you can meet a variety of people with caring experience.
patricia_16111 wrote:Hi my name is Trisha and I'm a 45 year old carer for my husband John. I have been his full time carer for a year now. he suffers from various conditions but mainly spinal spondylosis, osteoarthritis in both knees and shoulders and a rare auto immune disease. he has a lot of chest and lung problems which keeps me awake most of the night. I feel most of the time so lonely, i feel guilty when I do go out as I know John only goes out if I take him out. I don't know anyone else who is a carer so don't speak to anyone. I also help johns mum and dad as they are elderly and need more help with cleaning and sometimes shopping. I'm so tired xxxx
Hello Trisha, welcome to the forum.

I can totally relate to your situation, I've been a carer for my aunt for 20 ish years and she suffer's multiple medical issues too. The loneliness does creep up on you and the guilt monster can be an enormous pain when it rears its head. I also look after my grandmother full time too so get where your coming from with looking after his mum and dad's needs too. If you ever want to just talk to someone or someone to just shout and scream at. I'd be happy to chat about the things your dealing with or just to pass the time of day and check up how things are going ?
Hi Trisha and welcome,
Some people thrive on having a caring role but for many of us it is something we suddenly find has taken over our lives and to a great extent taken away our lives. Certainly our expectation of how we expected life to be.
Unless you are a new born superwoman, you have to acknowledge that you need help. Most especially when you have more than one person to look out for or look after. The only certainty is that it is going to get worse, gradually or in sudden steep downward steps, but worse for sure.
Your husband is no doubt your first priority. However you feel the need to take care of his parents too. FAR too much for you.
Firstly get the in-laws a Needs Assessment from SS and organise some outside carers for them. Carers will do housework. shopping, prescription collection etc too you know. Also get a Carer's Assessment for yourself and an assessment for hubby. Make sure everyone concerned has the benefits they are entitled to. Do the in laws get AA for example? Click on the red help and advice button at the top of the page and follow all the links to see what applies to you all. If unsure e-mail the help on this site and/or come back to the forum and ask. Someone here will know the answer.
Also very essential is time away from caring for yourself. Very important life jacket otherwise you will drown in it all. Then what happens? The Carer's assessment may well help with that aspect.
Please keep posting and we will at the very least be someone to talk to and hopefully help you along the hard road.
E.