Im new on here but at the end of how to help

[carer83]

Hi,

I have been caring for my grandad since my nan passed away in April 2010. Whilst woking full time & having a mishape of issues in my own life as well as my grandads. Hes currently in hospital after a self inflicted incident & Im at the end of how to help him anymore & dont know what to do anymore.

[York52]

Hi Lesley,
Welcome to the forum.
This is something that I'm not able to advise on as my caring revolves around chronic pain.
I'm sure someone will be along who can advise better than me.
I can advise you though to use a pen name and not your real name,it is easy to change.
Take care.

[pamr1]

welcome to the forum Lesley. You can say anything on here and not be judged only understood. Obviously i don't know too much about your situation, but just to hear that you are caring for your grandad is amazing in itself. pam x

[carer83]

My grandad suffers with parkinsons, as well as double incontience, heart issues & mobility due to the parkinsons. He sees a consultant yearly & the parkinsons nurses dont help anymore as he has turned round & said he doesnt need help. In the past 6 mths my grandad has ended up in hospital, the past 2 times have been self inflicted due to stubborness & stupidity of not wanting to listen or asking for help.

The latest is that he has been admitted with servere constipation & dehydration. When Im working I see him once a week, at the moment I am on sick due to stress & depression so am seeing him 2-3 times a week. He has carers that see to him 4 times a day & I have repeatedly said that if he didnt alter his diet & lifestyle he would end up in hospital & hes back there now.
I have arranged for him to have the gold package of lifeline, go to a day centre twice a week & offered him days out etc. His carer found him saturday morning laying on his bed in soiled clothing & he had defecated himself, his lifeline was on & when questioned why didnt he press the button he said he thought about it but nothing more.
In reality he could of laid there for 12 hours if not more as no one knew anything was wrong.

Social services saw him 3 weeks ago & deemed him capable of looking after himself but after this hospital admission Im not sure as lots of issues have been raised over the past 4-6 weeks regarding my grandad, how he is, his safety, his wellbeing etc.

I am at the end of what to do to help him. Short of moving in with him (which isnt a option as im in my 20's, have a husband & normally a full time job as a nurse) or leaving it to social services to decide I dont know what to do.

[bowlingbun]

Well clearly he's not able to copy by himself if he's ended up in hospital twice despite all the care he is getting! I'm afraid he's his own worst enemy, rather like someone we had in the family at one stage. You can't force him to do what he needs to do, but he can't force you to care for him either. I just wonder if he has any dementia type problems looming? It's not normal for someone to make a mess and then make no effort to do something about it. Do you think he's depressed? It's a really difficult situation, but it is up to Social Services and the hospital to make sure he has a safe discharge, just make sure that they do a proper full assessment of his needs and everything is in place BEFORE he is discharged.

[tracie]

Hi and welcome

[Myrtle]

Hi Lesley and welcome.
You didn't say, but I presume the care workers also help your grandad with his meals? You can get ready meals (Wiltshire Farm etc.) which they could microwave for him to make sure he's getting a proper diet and also make him a drink so that he at least has 4 drinks a day.
Perhaps a word with the agency to get his care plan updated to include this?

[carer83]

Hi,

I order my grandads meals every week with wiltshire farm foods, teh carers make his meals, Ive arrange that they make him 2 jugs of juice a day that he is to drink but he struggles to get through 1/2 of 1 jug let alone 2. the carers take him shopping, he has outside help for a cleaner once a week & a gardener once a week. I order his incontinence pants at the moment every 12 weeks even though he insists he wears 3 packs a week.

I have seen him in hospital now & basically he is beinhg kept in hospital until he pulls his finger out & drinks more. in 5 hours he drank 400ml of water. Whilst I was there he forced 3 cups of juice down & looked at me as if he wanted a standng ovation for doing good. Social Services have deemed him capable of looking after himself & want to give him the benefit of the doubt & send him back home. But in 2 weeks he has been in hospital both by self inflicted issues that could of been avoided. I have had enough of not knowing what to do as I am currently off sick on depression & stress ontop of miscarriaging which ive not recovered from. I dont know what else to do

[bowlingbun]

I'm very sad to hear of your miscarriage, I know that it takes a long time for the hormones etc. to get back to normal, and you should be concentrating on getting yourself better before you even think of caring for anyone else. Make absolutely certain that everyone knows that you have your own health problems which limit your ability to care. Decide what you can and cannot do, and stick to it. I'd pleaded with mum for years to have outside carers, but she refused until I was so ill it was impossible for me to do anything at all for her when she was discharged from hospital after five months. Even then Social Services and Health tried to bully me into doing mum's shopping, when I wasn't even strong enough to do my own! Only when they realised I meant it did they arrange carers 3 times a day, which simply transformed my life. So stand firm, and try to enlist the help of your GP, who could perhaps write a letter to the hospital and Social Services. Do you know why grandad is reluctant to drink? Is it so he doesn't have to get up in the night?

[carer83]

I dont know why hes so reuctant to drink, stubborness cant be bothered to do anything. If you take away all the carers, the aids I have got him, the help I do. He doesnt do anything for himself.