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Another new member here, can I ask you for your help please? - Carers UK Forum

Another new member here, can I ask you for your help please?

Tell us a bit about yourself here.
Hi folks,

My name is Elaine, I am married with 2 grown up children who have now flown the nest.
I care for my elderly mother who has had Alzheimer's disease since 2001 amongst other health problems such as diabetes, high blood pressure etc.

I am an only child and when I was 10years old my Mum, Dad and I moved to Preston. After only 1 year of us living here my father died suddenly of a heart attack. From then on my life completely changed. Mum and I grew closer together and were more like friends than Mum and daughter. I could turn to Mum if I wanted to talk to her about absolutely anything. She made a huge dicision to stay in Preston as all of Mum's family came from over the North East (and are still living there). But I had settled in at school and Mum had found a job so she didn't want to uproot me again. To cut a very long story short, I am now the main carer for my Mum and I'm on the Direct Payments Scheme. I don't receive a great deal of support and sometimes I wish I had a sibling to share my problems with.

I am currently studying for my NVQ Level 3 in Health and Social Care and I'm working on an assignment regarding NICE's decision to only prescribe Alzheimer's drugs to patients in the moderate stages of the disease. I would value your opinions on this decision please.
Your help and advice would be much appreciated and thanks for listening to me.


P.S. Isabella I can relate totally with you and your predicament. It's hard but try and keep your chin up. At least you have found this great forum where you can discuss your problems.
welcome to the site!

i cant offer u advice but i have ears and eyes so i can listen or rather read what u type lol

u wont feel alone now hun, welcome to the family
[quote]welcome to the site!

i cant offer u advice but i have ears and eyes so i can listen or rather read what u type lol

u wont feel alone now hun, welcome to the family

Thanks Pixie Image
Hi Elaine,

Welcome to the forum.
Like Pix says,you are not alone any more.I am sure others will be along soon to share their experiences too.

Hi Elaine

welcome to the forum - I too care for my 85 year old Mum who has Alzheimers.

When she was first diagnosed 18 months ago her GP prescribed Aricept and for a while it did seem to work. Unfortunately she got it into her head that it was causing her to have nightmares and what I can only describe as, waking dreams. She's always been one for having very intense dreams that she can remember in great detail afterwards, so both myself and her GP felt that it wasn't the Aricept and persuaded her to stay on it.

Lately she has taken another downturn and her memory and confusion are now much greater -she frequently has whole days where she can't remember anything that has happened during the day, and it's not unusual for her to not know me now. We were lucky as, initially, we were offered Aricept and didn't have to fight for it, but now her GP has decided to stop the Aricept (obviously saving his practice in the region of £1000 per year !) but hasn't offered anything to take it's place. Obviously I am worried that she will deteriorate even faster without the drug.

I do have a sister to 'theoretically' share Mum's care; but like many others on here with siblings the reality is a lot different. In truth my sister has our Mum for 4 hours a week; leaving the rest to me ! And so far I haven't been able to get SS down for an assessment as they have a waiting list of many weeks. I greatly value the support that I get from CUK members, without them I think I would feel totally alone.

Good luck with your NVQ.

Hi everyone,

Thanks for your comments. Susieq, my mother is 78yrs old and is not yet at that stage where she doesn't know me. I can honestly say though that she is not the same person I knew as my mother. I am her main carer but she doesn't seem to appreciate any help I give her and she continually 'tells me off' for doing whatever - hoovering, cleaning, washing her clothes and god help me if I am going to give her a shower. I don't mind the physical chores if only she would let me get on with it and not moan! It's the mental harassment - if that's what you can call it, that gets me down. I've often thought about resigning and handing her over to the care agency to deal with, but I've been there, done that and worn the t/shirt and it got me nowhere! I've had nothing but problems with agencies in the past. They'd forget to administer Mum's medication or wouldn't ensure she eats a meal (very important as she's a diabetic) and the list is endless. That's one of the reason's I care for Mum myself. And it's another reason I'm studying for my NVQ Health and Social Care. When I do get a job I will ensure I do it to the best of my ability and ensure the client is well cared for. I'm not saying all agencies are bad but it's just my past experience.
Anyway, that's enough of me rattling on, but sometimes you do need to get things off your chest don't you?
Thanks for listening.
Elaine Image
Hi Elaine and welcome, always good to get it off your chest Image
Hi, I've had a day from hell with my mother today, hence why I'm wide awake at 4am!
I'm convinced mum has onset dementia. Although she's been diagnosed with anxiety/depression - some things just don't stack up.

She has become really difficult over the past few months telling me she wants to run away, refusing to get out of the car sometimes, telling me to put her in the dustbin! It's almost childlike and anti-social. She tuts alot of the time and although she can remember everything, her behaviour and sense of reality has gone. Yesterday, she told me she was going to jail because she wasn't putting waste paper in a recycling bin.

Today, I'd arranged for an assessor to come round for loft insulation, central heating and she refused to sign the declaration saying 'I'm not signing anything!' After I came home she rang me in tears saying she's sorry and she doesn't know what she's doing. I can't handle this, I have 2 small children and no support and this is making me ill. I don't sleep very well and I just don't know what to do anymore.

I want to do things for her, and i think she wants the help but when you give it to her, she doesn't accept what you are doing for her is right and then argues with you. But then again, she can't do it for herself if you leave her to get on and do it.

I get no enjoyment from life at the moment and i'm struggling myself to get through each day.

I'm glad I have this place
Good morning isabella hope things are better for you today Looking back over the posts I think there are a lot of people on here who know lots about dementia and can give practical help
Hi Isabella, I have answered your post on your original topic: