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If he doesn't wash soon can I have him airlifted to a lake ? -Carers UK Forum

If he doesn't wash soon can I have him airlifted to a lake ?

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Hi all,
Hubby suffering chronic back pain which has led to anxiety/depression/self harming/and thoughts of ending his life. And right now those feel like his good points ! Turned down by DLA despite GP support and am currently appealing. I do everything for him and our three children, dogs and the bloody ferret. But my normally cheerful outlook is taking a serious knocking this last week or so. I don't sleep well because after he has been laying in bed all day, he's up and about in the wee hours, which would be fine except I've taken to sleeping in the armchair because he smells so bad. He used to drive me mad with how often he'd bath and change clothes, now he's got pitch black feet that I can't stand to touch me through the night. He sweats so much in bed that he smells of urine (am constantly changing the sheets, on top of everything else !), and his beard smells like a tramps with the amount of chain smoking he does. Although we have not been intimate for a few years due to the drugs he takes, we did still have a close and affectionate relationship. He's very close to me and gets anxious if I'm not close by, but the very thought of a cuddle sets my teeth on edge. I love him dearly and do not pull any punches in telling in what he needs to do, nicely at first, then getting tougher if need be, but lately even tough love doesn't work. He's turned into a giant (6ft 7) man child, and at 5ft 2 I don't stand a hope in hell of forcing him to bathe. I do know if I offered to wash him he may let me, but I'm angry and frustrated at yet another task being added to my overwhelming list. I feel like I'm drowning , but would much prefer it if he did, because at least then he smell so bad !!!!!! And breathe.....
Hiya and a warm welcome to the forum. As this is your first post I've moved it over to new members, it gives other members a chance to welcome you properly.

Hi and welcome sillybugger,
I had to give in and start washing my hubby, top to toe once a week and top and tail every day.
I too hate the enforced sleep arrangements, hubby throws his arms over me and I feel stifled and cannot sleep, usually end up on the blow up bed. He has Vascular dementia and reaches out all night to check I am still there, feel awful not being there when I'm on the blow-up bed but I have to get some sleep sometime.
Hubby unfortunately didn't wash much before his stroke and being close to him has definately gone downhill for the last 15-20 years. Like you say, the urine smell seems everywhere.
I haven't found any solutions yet, he does not mind me washing him so I suppose it's a result of sorts.
Think we can hire a helicopter between us to dump them in the lake??????? Image
Thanks for reply, I hate to admit I think you're right and I am going to have to give in, if not for his sake, then for my sanity ! I guess its resentment of the unfairness of it all, and not wanting to take things on before I had to. Part of me wishes some young beauty would come in and do it, as he'd be too ashamed to admit to anyone else he wasn't washing. But I'd still have to dump him in the lake for making the effort for someone else !!! hee hee !!
Thanks again for reply.....its good to know your not the only one struggling, even if you feel sad that other's are...Hey ho, now where's my marigolds and scourer !!??
BABYWIPES girls......babywipes!xx
You know when someone says something half joking/half making so much sense.......well done you. He is still capable of holding a wipe and doing for himself in a chair/bed, and holding a carrier bag for the used seems less demeaning at this stage. Although I still think I am going to have to do the big wash, this seems a good tide over idea..! x
When my late mum was bedridden babywipes were a godsend. If you keep the packet sealed and store them upside down in a warm spot they are quite comfortable to use.

Hubby uses them between bathing and showering.........some have migrated to the shed for cleaning mowers, but that`s another use for babywipes.xx
hello and welcome
Good idea to shop around for baby wipes when they're on offer in the chemists and supermarkets.
Hi and welcome Image
I use baby wipes by the barrow load too Image Image