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Ian ( 53) how others cope - Page 2 -Carers UK Forum

Ian ( 53) how others cope

Tell us a bit about yourself here.
I know,sometimes lives just bigger picture,I wish i asked for help sooner,it’s good I can relate to someone that understands.maybe for years I’ve pushed people away subconsciously in my life,friends/partner.i don’t think you can have a normal social life and be a full time Carer ian
My life has changed hugely, and I often feel sad for the life I lost thanks to an unqualified midwife without supervision the night my son was born, but I can't change my son's resultant brain damage, or the cover up that left him without compensation.
However, I only have one life and I make the best of it, I've still managed to do lots of unusual things, and I've met lots of lovely people on the way.
Would love to know your first name.....keep writing bowlingbun,your positivity is a rare quality these days,been through so much yet your willing to help others.ive been through a lot myself (partner dying/loss of partner) being honest I’ve had given up.ian
Hey Ian,

Just thought I'd say that I feel very similar to you often, though I do have a partner (who lives separately to me, so I care alone). I'm 34, so a lot younger, and still the groundhog day feeling is precisely what it feels like. Really sometimes I could scream just at the sheer repetitiousness of it, and how it can feel like nothing will ever change. For me, now, it will change, because my mum (who I care for ) is now coming towards the end of her life, but until August when I learned that, the three or four years leading up to that point were like being trapped in a tunnel. I don't have any useful things to say really, except that anything little you can do each day that brings you joy, or means you learn something new, can be wonderful. Even putting on a song you like and being silly in the kitchen to it for 5 mins, or reading a little or learning tree names or whatever is interesting to you, can at least make it feel like your day is yours, in some small way. Sending solidarity, i hope you find a new phase in this difficult circumstance soon.
Thanks Emily,yes life is never easy,I’m so used to it now,sounds horrible(he should have been in home/residential care years ago) friends/partner seem to drift away(I understand)caught between a rock and hard place. Ian

You can refer yourself to ITAK easily without a doctors referral either by phone or online.

Talking things through often makes things feel a little less pressured.

My life can be rewarding. But it is also pressured, overwhelming and exhausting at times. Leaves me feeling trapped with no control..or hardly any.

I myself am trying to move things on in my life...my older son is transferring to supported housing..and I am trying to sort my younger one out too.

I realise that this life as it is is just not sustainable for me mentally and physically.

I read in a book that their disability becomes your disability. That rings so true with me.

I need to get a bit of "me" back.

I hope you can do the same

"Sustainability" is such a good word to use.

Just because our relatives don't live with us all the time doesn't mean we don't love them. it means there is a team of people to care for them, not one tired, ill carer.
Thanks for your kind words(cloudygal) I live from day to day now.hopefully thinks will improve for both of us.ian

So true ..

Just not possible for one person to do it all. The transition to supported housing has created a whole heap of more work.. but it will be worth it in the end..

A team if people is indeed whats needed.

Just feel on the edge of what it is possible to deal with right now. But will manage.


You are welcome. 😊
..and thank you..things will get better.
Thanks. If you ever fancy /chat,iam a good listener.a problem shared! Ian😊