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I need some help - so so worried. - Page 8 - Carers UK Forum

I need some help - so so worried.

Tell us a bit about yourself here.
170 posts
Luke
When I suspected my late husband was getting dementia, I wrote to his GP with my concerns. He saw hubby, and said he hasn't dementia, as he answered lots of questions correctly. They were questions from years ago, that he knew the answers to.When he deteriorated he still knew these answers . Always remembered his army number! Even when hubby said it was 1980 the GP said it's because he had become tired! He did, very sadly have vascular dementia, and lost capacity very speedily. You have to be one step ahead and explain the reasons why you Nan is being misdiagnosed, and ask for 2nd opinion. You know your Nan better than anyone,. They have to listen to you, and the fact you will not be able not care for her as she deserves. It's a fight, I remember it well. You have your life to live, work to continue with, for your own future. Your Nan would want that for you.
Will they listen to me?

My Nan very insistent of going home, they say she can still make that decision.

And in her mind she believes that there is nothing wrong with her.
Is that "she can make her own decision" based on a full psychiatric assessment, as part of her Continuing Healthcare Assessment???
Thats all very well, but they are effectively forcing you to care for her as you live there.

Unless you have the finances to move out
They need to check if she "has capacity". If she "has capacity", she can make her own decisions and that includes going home. The hospital argued that my mum had capacity even though she introduced me as her nephew!! I argued that if someone has a dementia diagnosis, that was proof in itself that she did not have capacity. It is a problem area though. If you have a preferred home for nan to move into, sometimes it is worth discussing it with the care home manager. The care home manager had good contacts with the hospital in my mum's case and was a useful ally.

Does the hospital have dementia specialists / befrienders? It may be worth finding out as I am sure they have experienced this many times.
Does a hospital normally discharge patients on a weekend? Especially elderly?
Anne001 wrote:
Wed May 27, 2020 2:55 pm
They need to check if she "has capacity". If she "has capacity", she can make her own decisions and that includes going home. The hospital argued that my mum had capacity even though she introduced me as her nephew!! I argued that if someone has a dementia diagnosis, that was proof in itself that she did not have capacity. It is a problem area though. If you have a preferred home for nan to move into, sometimes it is worth discussing it with the care home manager. The care home manager had good contacts with the hospital in my mum's case and was a useful ally.

Does the hospital have dementia specialists / befrienders? It may be worth finding out as I am sure they have experienced this many times.

My Nan has capacity To make decisions they say, but I don’t believe she making The right or safe ones.
Has she seen a psychiatrist as part of a Continuing Healthcare Assessment????
Have you seen a formal written report?
You need to insist on hard evidence like this Luke, don't let them get away with "think"!
Here we go again she due home today.

I don’t know if I can cope but I try.
Keep a diary. Have you been involved in a new care plan? Remember you should not have to do anything for her. You must not be forced to care, you have a right not to care.
170 posts