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I need some help - so so worried. - Carers UK Forum

I need some help - so so worried.

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177 posts
I need some help and advice please.

I am all new to this.

My Nan of 89 years old who I live with has had a fall which broke her right hip. Cause by her left knee giving way, the left knee has done this before but never cause a accident this bad until now. The knee can’t be operated on but is supported with a brace.

She been in hospital for nearly two months with plans to discharge her home this week.

A once mobile person, will now be very limited in her mobility or even bed bound.

Before this all, she became incontinent and had hearing problems. Her hearing got so bad that now she finds hearing aids don’t work. And yes she had them replaced.

She also prone to falling.

She going to be discharged home with carer coming 4 times a day to wake her up, feed, wash and put her to bed. Something I can’t do because of my working Patten.

She is very forgetful and repeats herself. I don’t know if that’s dementia or just a sign of old age.

I don’t know if I gonna be able to cope but I give it a few weeks, I going to to ask the council to assess her needs with the possibility of her going into a care home. What’s the process, how does it work and what’s the likelyhood of the council agreeing with me and helping?
It would be better to discuss the care home. Before leaving hospital and if you are thinking of a care home. Don't have her home from hospital. It will be much harder getting her moved to a care home. Particularly, given the current climate in social care.

Plus if there is an element of possible confusion. One move is better than two. Mum assessment must take place in hospital.
There is a detailed procedure the hospital should be following to make sure it is a SAFE DISCHARGE. Has anyone been to the home to see what she will be able to do? Spoken to you?
Whose home is it?
You CANNOT be forced to care. The time has come, because of her great age that she needs to Bevin a nursing home with care available round the clock, if carers are going to be there for 2 hours a day that leaves you for the other 22!

Who owns nan's home? This is really important, if it's rented you might be expected to leave if she goes into long term care!
Luke_20051 wrote:
Tue May 05, 2020 7:30 pm
She going to be discharged home with carer coming 4 times a day to wake her up, feed, wash and put her to bed.
Has this been fully explained to you and your Nan?

It's called "Reablement Care", and is provided free for up to six weeks, after that it may have to be paid for, depending on your Nan's financial circumstances.

The other thing to note is that the times of the visits can be very haphazard. They will not guarantee a time of visit. The first visit of the day can be anywhere between 7:00 am and 11:30 am, when my wife had it, the visits were usually at a sensible time, (bearing in mind that I gave her breakfast and the carers only came to wash and dress her) but they did actually range from 7:30 - 11:15 over the period of six weeks.

The two visits in the middle of the day we very soon stopped as they were more trouble than they were worth.

The last visit of the day, which is to put the caree to bed won't be any later than 9:00pm and could be as early as 7:30 pm, which may suit some people, but not many.

When the six weeks free period is finished, if your Nan then has to pay, they still won't give a time for the visits, it can, and will be just as haphazard.
Nan was at a hospital. Then moved to another hospital which was for 6 weeks to help with mobility. It will never ever be like before,

I mentioned about it being a unsafe discharge. But they disagreed.

The social services keep saying that she never had home carers before so they need to try that.

I know it won’t work.

It’s making me depressed and physically sick.
Luke, I had the same fight over my mum's care. You are going to have to be tough, VERY tough. No more Mr. Nice Guy.
I know just how awful this is,I'll never forget.
Insist on an NHS continuing
Healthcare Assessment before she goes anywhere. Read up on this today.
Where do they think she is going to sleep? Does she have an upstairs bedroom?
Has anyone been to the house to see if it is suitable?

Can I ask where your parents are? Is there anyone to back you up?
How old are you?

You still haven't said who owns the house??
Parents have sadly passed years ago.

I am 27 and full time worker.

My Nan rents but I been told by the housing association that should she move I can apply for succession.

The community hospital where she is at the moment have come to do a inspection and have delivered a commode, and a hospital bed.

They plan to fit a link line.

And will discharge tomorrow.
Luke, I feel for you (but I know that doesn't help).
I agree with Bowlingbun, you have to try to be tough, I know from experience that is really hard sometimes, especially if the Caree wants to come home.
But you need help, PROPER help, not just Carers that flit in and out and spend half the allotted time helping.
It is incredibly hard, not just physically, but mentally and emotionally too, looking after somebody.
You have already been very dedicated and caring.
I wish you well and I hope everything works out for the best for you.
Hello Luke, welcome to the forum.

I would suggest giving our helpline a ring on 0808 808 7777, it's open on weekdays 9-6. They'll be able to talk you through your options and entitlements and give you some idea of what you can expect.

I'm sorry to hear about your Nan, this must be a difficult time for you. Try and look after your own well being too though.

Best wishes

Luke - I feel very, very sorry for you in this predicament. Even sorrier that there is little I can do to help in practical terms.

Your nan is 89, has a knee that can't be repaired, is deaf and sounds as though she is suffering from dementia. She needs to be in a care home, that's that. You have your job and career to attend to. You simply have not the time to give her the care she needs and deserves.

So they have already delivered a bed and commode. It is a pity that you made this delivery available but too late for that now. You must prevent your nan from being returned home to you - even if that means you are at work all day and the house is locked. Make it clear to the hospital that the line of least resistance is not palming your nan back to you.

As you have been advised, ring the carers' helpline. They can advise much better than I can how to deal with this. And as Bowlingbun says, you must be very tough. This is in your nan's best interest as well as yours.

Best wishes and let us know how it goes.
177 posts