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I'm not going to be able to cope much longer - Carers UK Forum

I'm not going to be able to cope much longer

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I've cared for my nanna for a few years now, since last year I've had to do even more so but now she is sick and can't even get out of bed to the commode by herself. She's confused, she hallucinates and someone has to watch her at all times or else she might try get up and wonder. This means though unless my Aunts come round a couple of hours to relieve me I don't get to go out at all. I'm tired, getting really restless being stuck in the house most the time and my depression is beginning to get worse again. A few weeks ago we was told she has 2-3 days to live, after going downhill she soon started to perk up again but doesn't know where is and is seeing things in her room. I am not going to be able to carry this on long term and don't think my aunts can either. It's awful to see my nanna the way she is, it's no life to have not being able to do anything for yourself and not even know where you are. We love her to bits, she is our world but part of us wishes she would pass already and not have to suffer any more. We have carers coming in twice a day but it still doesn't seem to lift the burden. Yesterday she was convinced she was somewhere else and was waiting for my aunt to come take her home, the carers didn't want to distress her trying to move her so I had to tell them to leave it and my aunt would put her to bed, my aunt then had to sit with her until she went to sleep cause she was so unsettled. Most days I just want to cry but for some reason I just can't, maybe a couple of tears then that is it. Needed to just clear my head :(
Stacie - I'm not surprised you want to cry and are feeling more depressed. It's a massive burden you're carrying. It really sounds like time that your Nanna is moved into a care home, as her needs are way beyond your ability to cope now. I know it may seem mean, but it really is better for her that she is somewhere that all her needs can be met safely, and it will allow you and your aunt to recover. I'm not an expert, but I would suggest calling social services, or possibly the GP to get things rolling.

Wishing you all the very best.

Stacie, you need to ring your GP practice this morning. Maybe ask to speak to the Practice Manager. The GP has completely failed your family. Ask him to make an immediate "Fast Track Continuing Healthcare Application" to the local Clinical Care Commissioning Group. This should get help arranged within 48 hours, however if that does not sound soon enough, ring for an ambulance.
We have carers coming in 4 times a day and district nurses coming in everyday, as well as GP paying visits every 3-4 days. It's now been 7weeks since she became really ill and now has numonia, she is defying medical science the GP says she should of died over a week ago, as she has not eaten or hardly drank anything in the past 2weeks. She is still at home and the whole family thankfully have pulled together despite alot of chaos that happened last year. We are pretty much just waiting now at this point for her to just drift off, we have no idea what is keeping her alive, carers are shocked everytime they come in to see her still here despite being to frail you can hardly move her. We are all trying to cope the best we can, we are exhausted and sounds bad but wish this would just end, not just for us but got her too. It is no way of living when you can't even get out your own bed, don't know where you are and hardly have the energy to even speak. She amazes us all how she is still here she is one rough cookie.

P.s we have been on fast track since day one
Wishing you and your family strength to get through this hard time Stacie.
My thoughts are with you all Stacie x
Thanks Guys :) x

Now nearly 3 weeks without eating anything and somehow she is still hanging on. Saturday and Sunday she was extremely restless, even trying to get out of bed, so had to get district nurses out to give her an injection to calm her down. Monday they came to put a syringe in her to give her a constant flow of meds to keep her calm. That did not work after a morphine patch, injection and some oramorph she finally settled down. They've now upped her dose in the syringe and she is peaceful. Able to get bits of fluid down her but not really enough to keep her hydrated. Carers still coming in 4 times a day. She is one hell of a fighter!
Dear stacie. your posts have resonated with me so much, my mum's been fast tracked more than if she was in a Grand Prix!! But she won't give in -I've even been told she's getting 'too good care' -but I'm a nurse - can't give crap care!. I believe that everyone goes in their own time, can't go into details - but seen a lot of fighters in my time. But it's horrible for the family to experience - and can't tell you the amount of times family have said with desperation 'oh - I wish she'd go' It's a natural feeling - I really feel for you at this moment, but it's good that you've got family support, but a very difficult time for you,xx
Nanna passed away on Wednesday 29th June, peacefully in her sleep at 11:45am with everyone around her which is exactly what we wanted. On her last breath a tear ran down her face. She was truely a remarkable and well loved woman. She touched the lives of all those she met. Meant so much to us all. Life will not be the same with out waking up in the morning and seeing her face. A complete selfless woman she always put others needs before her own even when she was unwell herself. Heaven has received a very precious angel who will be missed very much but forever in our heart's. Thank you everyone for all the lovely comments you have posted ♥
Oh Stacie, that's 'wonderful'.....in the sense that she made it to the end, with all her family, just as you'd so wanted. I'm glad she had an easeful passing - and she sounds like she's certainly earned her place in the Better Place that I hope is awaiting her (and all of us.)

You will doubtless now 'react' because even when a death is expected, and even 'longed for' (because it will be a release and a culmination of a long, good life), there will be an aftershock.....as well as the open grief and soreness of heart that comes when we lose someone we love.

Go easy on yourself in these coming days - tears will come and go, come and go, and just 'little things' can set you off.

There is always' paperwork' to be done, such as registering the death, dealing with banks, etc, and although it can seem 'heartless' to have to do such things when you are all in pieces emotionaly, it can also be that having those 'tasks' to do can keep you going. Planning your grandmother's funeral will also be a mix of 'painful' and 'celebratory'.

Finally, give yourself a huge pat on the back for standing by her all this time and 'waving her off' on her next voyage.......

Kindest wishes, Jenny