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I'm new to online support I'm only 27 no support at centre now I've moved to adult - Page 2 - Carers UK Forum

I'm new to online support I'm only 27 no support at centre now I've moved to adult

Tell us a bit about yourself here.
Becky, sometimes just 'walking away' is the best thing to do, even if only for a temporary break.

I hope things today get easier, and that next year will bring some solutions to your problems, even if they seem insoluble right now.

With kindest wishes, Jenny

PS - Consider yourself prayed for! :)
Hi Becky
Christmas can be such an emotional time but it can also bring people back together. I hope you are getting useful support but if we can help on here please do ask.
Hi Becky, you can't care for anyone else unless you are OK yourself. Who are you currently caring for?
So Christmas is over I got back in touch with my dad after 9 years as he understands he went thru this 10 year ago as a carer ...

I'm currently dead and waiting for my GP to open and see if they can support me

My boss who was helping me has become part of the problem as she thinks it's all my fault and thinks I control my mum and Sisters life ( I don't ) this has now made me more mad I'm going to work to keep her happy as she doesn't think I'm ill I'm low and think I'm depressed that's hard to admit right ? Doesn't that still count as ill or sick .. Saturday I'm going to stay with my aunty for 5 days to sort my self out as she is supporting me thru Facebook

I'm finding I've been pushed aside and I can't handle this my mam thinks she done a good thing .. by getting pas in she has but they not right !!

Thanks for you support everyone I finally found somewhere that's supports me :)
Becky, from you post it appears you are caring for mum? Your parents are separated?
What is wrong with mum so she needs a carer?
You are working too? Is this right?
Hey guys

A bit of an update

I'm at home still but my mum who I cared for has left and has moved in with the boyfriend she met jus before Christmas all very quick ..and to top it is engaged it's killed me I've struggled to cope with the life on moving on with my life .. because I've spent many years caring for mam and now nothing I still taking care of my sister who has cerebral palsy as she thinks mum has abandoned her she 31 and doesn't understand .. I hear her cry on a night ...

On a brighter note ... social services are helping me sister by providing support .. for her the doctors have also helped my sister with medication to help her sleep .. me on the other hand well I've still got no support last week was a hard day as mum sent a van round to collect her things ... and I cried all day .. I was spoken to like rubbish my someone who sticking up for my mam .. and felt like ending my life I sat in my car at the beach and thought I could jus drive in the sea ... and no one would even care ... I rang the doctors then crying in the phone asking for an appointment and they said 2 weeks i told them I was on the verg of driving off a clif and the receptionist jus said nothing I can do ... where my help and support ..

I recently met a guy who is lovely .. and he helped me he came and talked to me and gave me a hug and said it's ok .. I've only known this guys 3 weeks but my god he keeper I reckon .. (I'll keep u posted )

If he hadent of come and sat with me I don't know if I would be here writing this ..

I'm plodding on with everyday life and taking one day at a time I don't want to be rock bottom anymore.

Keep praying guys :)

Thanks for this online support
Becky, hi - welcome back!

First off, if you ever have that 'drive into the sea' feeling again, call the Samaritans. They are trained to respond to those who feel that intensely, that desperately, and are probably a lot more use to you than a snotty Doctor's receptionist!!!! (To be fair, she was probably only being honest - the docs are all over-busy now!).

What would you like from your GP? Is it anti-depressants? They would be a good 'bridge' for you maybe right now. They would take the pressure off you, give you a break from your own feelings which are overwhelming you.

Why not make that appointment, even if its in a fortnight's time? In the meantime, why not print out the posts you've made here, and show them to the doctor? That will indicate just how 'desperate' you are!

Glad to hear about the new bloke, and hope he's still standing by you. In a good relationship, I always think we 'take it in turns' to help each other. Right now, he's helping you, and when you've pulled back up, as I'm sure you will, then at some point you can be the one who is strong for him.

Next, your mum. You know, isn't it a good thing that she's gone? For a start, presumably she's happier, and that's nice for her, and secondly, she's, how shall I put this, 'out of your hair'. You can 'cross her off your list' so to speak, and not have her in the mix of what you are sorting out. Don't worry about ANYTHING she said - none of it counts. At 27, most young women would have left their families far behind to sort themselves out - you've been there and helping. THAT is what counts! If your mum can't see that, then that's her problem, not yours!

Finally, your sister. I think this is the most important aspect to 'sort'. After all, her mum has abandoned her (and I'm not necessarily blaming your mum - sounds a bit like she's just 'run away' do you think?), and as you say, she is bewildered.

BUT, one of the good things about your mum leaving is that it must switch the social services into action for your sister. Now, however much you may love your sister and care about her, I would say this is the time for saying 'I am NOT looking after her!'

If SS think 'Oh, the younger sister will take over and look after the woman with CP then we dont' have to do antyhing'.....then they will 'leave you to it'. BUT, you are entitled to your own life, and your sister is entitled to care from the SS.

Others here on the forum have a lot of experience in dealing with SS, and I know they'll tell you the best way to get your sister the best care she needs, without it taking up all your life, so you can have YOUR life too, and with your lovely new man. :)

All the very very best to you for the coming year. Winter is on the wane, and spring is on the way, and I hope that lifts your spirits too.

Kindest wishes, Jenny
Hey Jenny

Thanks for that

SS are in action they are currently sorting her direct payments out .. we jus need a PA !

The lovely new man is still by side however it's on rocky road ... and fumes with me because I fell asleep .. so not sure how I'm feeling about that ..

My mum causing trouble asking me for money back she gave me as a gift ..
Which I've gave back .. joke really

I haven't spoke to GP Whats the point ... I'll get through it and I have supportive friends to help me

I love this page because I feel people like your self are supporting ME sand not my mum or sister because I don't matter to SS I'm not there problem but I just saved them thousands for years !!

I'm on downer at the mo anyways as the new man goes to vegas tomorrow and he annoyed at me and won't speak !!! I might be on here more xxx
Becky, why is your new man annoyed with you? (You say you 'fell asleep' - was that just when he was getting passionate? That could make any man think he was 'undesired', and take it personally - not really realising how exhausted you are???) But maybe it's for another reason?

What the reason is, and why he is annoyed with you are important - it could be, for example, and I would hope it is this, that he is only 'annoyed' with what you are going through, and is angry 'FOR' you, not 'WITH' you, if you see what I mean. If he's annoyed because you're not paying HIM enough attention, that's not such a good sign. But, again, maybe he feels he's done a lot to support you, and you are still 'collapsing' on him (if you are, of course!)

As you can see, I'm guessing a bit here (!) so could be wildly off.

About the money your mum says you owe here? Was it in cash? If so, bit tricky to prove, but stick with your guns if you are sure you did repay her. If it was done with a cheque or something from the bank, that's easy to prove, as you just show her the paperwork.

I'm glad SS is on the case with your sister, and that sounds like progress is being made. If you don't feel you need the GP, then great. Hopefully, as things 'lift' around you, you'll be happier in yourself, and any 'need' for medication will go.

How are things at work? You mentioned earlier that your boss seemed to think you were too 'hands on' with your mum/sister, so maybe that has changed now that your mum has upped sticks?

All the best to you, and hope you feel you are gradually pulling things together in your life.

Kind regards, Jenny
Hi Becky, promise yourself that this year is going to be better. There are lots of us here who can support you to be in a much better place, but first, there are a few really important things I want to ask.
Who owns where you are living? Most importantly, who is the legal tenant? Make sure the tenancy can be, and is, transferred into your name. Maybe talk to Shelter about your legal rights. This is so very important. Once it's in your name, change the locks!
Is your sister capable of handling her own benefits? If not, then presumably mum was handling them? As mum has left, she is no longer entitled to any of sister's money. So if sister can't handle her own benefits, you need to ring the DWP as soon as possible and ask to become her "Appointee".
As you have been in touch with Social Services already, did they complete a "Needs Assessment" for your sister, and give you or her a draft copy to check, sign, and return? If not, ask them to do so asap.
The same applies to a Carers Assessment for you.
Until such time as a PA can be found for your sister, SSD should be arranging care for her, not leaving you with nothing.
( I have a 37 year old son with severe learning difficulties, brain damaged at birth) so much of what I have learned is relevant also to your situation).
Long term, you need to decide if you want to care for your sister until she dies, or you are too ill or old to look after her? Alternatively, would you rather she moved to her own home, where you could give her lots of love and support, but share that care with paid carers?