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I'm New To CarersUK (2) - Carers UK Forum

I'm New To CarersUK (2)

Tell us a bit about yourself here.
I’m new to Carers UK. I’ve only been caring for my 95 year old mother for 6 weeks and I’m struggling.. can anyone offer me advice..
Debby, what help does mum need? Or is it easier to ask what she can do for herself now?
Does she have physical disabilities, or mental issues?
Is she claiming Attendance Allowance?
Do you have power of Attorney?
Hi Debby,

welcome to the forum.

Perhaps you could tell us a little more about your Mum and your caring situation.

Melly1
Sorry it’s taken a while to reply. Being new to caring and learning to use a new site Is difficult for me.
In answer to questions, mum is recently receiving attendance allowance, my brother and I have p.o.a.
Advice required on my mother switching off when we are in need of a serious conversation. She is a lovely frail lady, with mobility problems is aware of everything. I feel very lonely as my 5 siblings are getting on with their lives and congratulating me for taken care of her. Which I hate. My 2 brothers would like to see her in a residential home, not my mothers wishes at all, 1 sister says she’s too poorly to care for her but would if she could, another sister says she has no room at the inn and my other sister has severe learning disabilities, so she’s fine. No one will visit her even now (Covid 19 restrictions sort of lifted) to sit in the garden with her. They do live 70 miles from me but I would visit them to see my mum. At the end of the day I was the most unfavourite child she had, yet I’m the one she now relies on and lives with. My husband has excepted her with open arms. I feel torn between the 2 and trying to share myself. Help I’m doing my best.
Sorry for the ramblings.
Debby
Hi Debby,

You CANNOT be forced to care. From what you say, mum is very frail, and you are doing everything for her?
It doesn't have to be like this, but in order to get help you first need to think about taking a step back.
Think about what would help you most, what YOU want.
Here are a few ideas, a dishwasher and washing machine, guaranteed time off, a walk in shower, carers to help mum wash and dress in the morning, more help with cleaning.
If you could choose anything you liked, what 3 things would be at the top of your list?

Does mum have over £23,000 in savings? This is usually the cut off for Social Services help.
You say you have been caring for mum for six weeks now. Where was she living beforehand? Could she go back there if she had much more help? What happened 6 weeks ago???
:angry:
Sorry about that. Not good with technology.
I’ve been caring for my mother since she came out of hospital at the beginning of January 2020 1st at her home for a month. She then moved to my home in February as I wanted to return to my family, mainly the Grand children and my dogs. I said a maximum 3 months, then covid 19. She decided I was caring for her a lot better then care agencies and wanted to stay with me. I’m happy if she is. The thing I would like is my siblings to visit her for a couple of hours now and again so I can go out for a long walk with my husband and dogs. A walk of 15 miles plus was not usual for us, we love walking.
Please understand I’m useless at technology so apologies for any errors.
Take care and keep safe.
Debby
Oh, just wondering, are home/family Carers allowed to go into supermarkets when the NHS employees use them. Do we need to take anything to prove we are caring for someone?
What was mum in hospital for?
How much care does she need?
Does she have over £23,000? (Yes/No)
Is she receiving Attendance Allowance?
There are various ways you can get help and support, but it really depends on your answers.
Mum was admitted to hospital at the beginning of November due to an unknown virus. She was discharged in January where I started caring for her. She has more than 23k and is getting attendance allowance. I assist with all personal care, meals, shopping, phone calls etc. I have spoken with several care advisers, who have been brilliant. My problem is me getting tired and worn out and I think needing a rant from time to time.
Sorry for wasting your time.
Off to clap for the Carers etc
Debby, on the forum we never feel carers, ex carers are wasting time! You can rant and let off steam as much as you want, without being judged. I have loads!