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Hi from a new member.. - Carers UK Forum

Hi from a new member..

Tell us a bit about yourself here.
Hi my name is Lynn and I live Staffs with my husband who is a firefighter and my 4 dogs. My son, who is 23 is currently away from home at university. Until January I worked full time, and now currently work part time.
My dad, who is 82 has lived alone for the last 4 years since my mum passed away with leukaemia. He has peripheral vascular disease causing leg ulcers, diabetes, is partially sighted due to glaucoma, and is very hard of hearing, is receiving treatment for chronic anaemia and folic acid deficiency.
Until about six months ago he has managed quite well, with me for support with the domestics, washing, ironing, cleaning and shopping, but his health has deteriorated and he has needed more and more care on a daily basis. He started being a bit forgetful and then had bouts of confusion which we initially put down to the diabetes. He can feel very lethargic most days and will struggle to have the will to get out of bed. After a couple of nasty infections, loss of appetite and some weight loss he was admitted to hospital, and was found to be suffering from dehydration and low blood pressure, and was diagnosed with vascular dementia, which accounts for the worsening confusion we have seen. After 10 days he was assessed as medically fit to return home, with an initial a care package lasting for 6 weeks of 4 visits a day to give him medication and prepare food for him etc. This is a massive learn for us both as we have plodded along for some time just coping best we can. Dad is convinced that he can live alone and do everything for himself without relying on anyone else, even me, although in reality this hasn't been the case.
Once the 6 weeks are over I am worried that the help will cease and I will be left to continue to manage dads worsening health on my own and I feel so selfish and guilty wanting help.
Sorry for the long post, would appreciate any advice/comments that anyone can offer.
Hi Lyn.
Almost the same thing happened to me about my MIL, who was admitted into hospital and was then discharged with a care packet for 6 weeks - it seems to be standard practise. Social services need to be involved - Im not sure whether you need to ask for a needs assessment from them, or whether it will be done automatically once he gets to the end of the 6 weeks package (I cant remember), but either way - you need this level of care continuing. Dont feel guilty or selfish about asking for extra help, no-one is superman/woman.
I thought I would also mention that depending on his circumstances, your dad may have to contribute financially to his care, but take everything thats on offer - the more help you receive, the longer your dad will be able to live at home.
Don't wait for the 6 weeks to end, start badgering SSD now! If you fill in that gap for a while you might be expected to do it forever. Ask SSD to notify you when they are going to see dad, and ask for a Carers Assessment for yourself. I would also suggest that if you haven't done so already, you arrange for you to have Power of Attorney for dad.
Hi Lyn
Welcome. Image
Don't feel selfish! You must get all the help you are entitled to. I would follow Bowlingbun's advice.
take care xx
Hi Lyn
I can't add much to the advice you have already received but would say that you must make sure that SS realise that you work. I work 30 hours a week and this really encouraged them to offer more help for Mum realising that I was giving her all the time I was able to.

As the others have said, don't feel guilty, you are entitled to your own life you know.

hi welcome to forum