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I'm new and desperate for help - Carers UK Forum

I'm new and desperate for help

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Hi my name is Diane and I am the sole carer for my mum. She suffers with severe depression and anxiety n panic attacks. Ive had to give up work to look after her and she is having to stay with me because my dad can't cope. I also have a teenage daughter who is a handful and does not understand the stress I'm under. My mum is getting very nasty to both me and my daughter and I can't cope with it all. Also I have a very small house so sleeping arrangements are bad for me. I miss my friends at work and I miss my life. I just wanna run away.
hi and welcome
Hello and welcome. Many of us feel very lonely, but you won't be alone on here. Always someone around to offer support.
Thank you so much for your kind comments. This is what I've been looking for, ppl who understand what I'm going through. You think your alone so much but this site and your kind comments have giving me some hope. Xx
Hi Diane and welcome Image Join in with us anywhere you want to! you will find most of us on roll call in the members section - our way of having a chat! Great way to meet everybody.
India.x
Hi Diane, welcome to the forum. Are you beginning to feel that you are no longer able to cope with mum? Your daughter is your top priority, dad is ultimately responsible for mum.Are you getting any help at all with mum so that you can have some quality time with your daughter? Also make sure that you are claiming all the right benefits.
The situation you are in sounds very tough, and you have my heartfelt sympathy.
We had to make a choice once, (like Sophie's choice, but not quite so drastic!) between father in law continuing to stay with us, and the welfare of the rest of the family, including our disabled teenager. Our housing was also increasingly unsuitable for the situation we found ourselves in. The point was, when the time came, it wasn't a crisis, it was a planned transition through increasing periods of respite towards his ultimate care in a nursing home which could meet his complex medical and psychiatric needs far better than we could. As carers, we all need to look beyond the next corner, and plan an exit strategy or strategies that meet most likely future scenarios. And then we need the courage to keep moving in that direction so that the transition is as smooth as possible.
Hi again and thanks for my kind welcome and support. Answer to your questions. .no not getting any help or any time with my daughter. I also have 2 older children (adults) who have given me no support so I have lost them too. (Long story) I spoke to social services today and they have advised on me having a carers assessment? My mam is becoming very nasty with me and saying very hurtful things about my relationship with my children. .its really hurt me. I've also become very resentful and trying to make excuses for her to go home as I feel I could look after her better if I just had some space. I still works nights and I'm only there for an hour. .I found myself staying 2 hours 2nite just so I could have some me time. I am now sitting downstairs at 3.20 am just so I can be alone. The woman from social services asked me today who was my next of kin and I had no one. ..had to put my youngest daughter down. That's how alone I feel. Everything I am trying to do for my mam she is just refusing then she accuses me of being selfish. I have put a claim in for carers allowance as I have had to give up my other day job and she keeps saying things like I'm going have to do more once I'm getting paid! I couldn't do much more than I'm doing. And she is expecting me at hers every day...when do i get to spend time with what family i have left!! Sorry to go on a bit...just needed a rant. .lol
My DIL's mum has similar problems, I've seen how seriously it affects all the family, she is very manipulative and selfish. Make sure you have the Carers Assessment as soon as possible, where mum is not around. If mum never goes out, ask to have it somewhere else, so you can tell it how it really is, and have space to cry if you need to. Consider telling Social Services clearly that from a certain date you are no longer able to care for mum, stressing the effect on you and your family. Consider if you are willing to help if she is a dad's house. Consider whether you should ask for a Carers Assessment for you daughter too, as she is inevitably affected too. They probably need to speak to dad too. In advance of the carers assessment it might help you to write down the things which you find most difficult.
hi welcome to forum