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I dont now what to do - Carers UK Forum

I dont now what to do

Tell us a bit about yourself here.
My mum went into hospital almost two weeks ago she went in with a uti she is 95 she got norovirus the last two days has been hard ,
Mum had a heart attack in August and has 20% heart function,she was let out of hospital too soon and then went home and then she went home but was back in hospital after having a fall .
but she is medically fit now .
The last two days she hasent eaten or drank much at all.
She is 95 years old and she sleeps a lot , I get very upset as I am there every day accept when I got norovirus for a few days , as I can see that she is so weak , I don't know what to do is this her way of not wanting to be here or is it still the effects of the norovirus after effects . It so hard to watch ,every time I go I hope that the next day she is better .
She has surprised me before by coming through it but never by not eating ,
She has always said that when she doesn't have breakfast she is not well and she doesn't even want that either
I also read many of your posts on here and it may be mums way of leaving and not wanting to be here anymore ,she has been through so much and each day I see a bit of her disappear she is so thin now .
I asked her if she wanted to get better she said yes .
Hello Penny
Sorry to read your post.
Have you asked the staff if she is end of life perhaps. Is her blood pressure dropping and temperature?
She may have said yes she wants to get better, but may mean get better by passing?
Bowlingbun often suggests googling signs of dying. Its hard, but really helpful. I did, when I was losing my husband.
Take care of yourself too
PENNY_1910 wrote:
Thu Oct 31, 2019 8:37 pm
My mum went into hospital almost two weeks ago she went in with a uti she is 95 she got norovirus the last two days has been hard ,
Mum had a heart attack in August and has 20% heart function,she was let out of hospital too soon and then went home and then she went home but was back in hospital after having a fall .
but she is medically fit now .
The last two days she hasent eaten or drank much at all.
She is 95 years old and she sleeps a lot , I get very upset as I am there every day accept when I got norovirus for a few days , as I can see that she is so weak , I don't know what to do is this her way of not wanting to be here or is it still the effects of the norovirus after effects . It so hard to watch ,every time I go I hope that the next day she is better .
She has surprised me before by coming through it but never by not eating ,
She has always said that when she doesn't have breakfast she is not well and she doesn't even want that either
I also read many of your posts on here and it may be mums way of leaving and not wanting to be here anymore ,she has been through so much and each day I see a bit of her disappear she is so thin now .
I asked her if she wanted to get better she said yes .
Will she agree to a DNR or not? That might be a option. As hard as it may be, it is actuallg better to have this talk now with her. Good luck!
I had Norovirus and couldn't even bear the smell of food cooking. One day my engineer husband came home looking forward to a hearty meal. He had a Tesco Lasagne instead.
"Is this what things have come to?" he asked.
"Yes, I'm afraid it is!"

Fortunately, I recovered during December and could cook and eat a good Christmas dinner, but it really does make you feel absolutely terrible.
She is very elderly, so possibly. But also the very elderly can survive on very little. Novo virus totally knocks the vulnerable for six. One of my kids had it and didn't start eating properly again for weeks. So quite possible she could pull through. But equally possible at the age she is that you need to brace yourself, Definitely have a frank discussion with her nurses as good to know what their thoughts are. Sometimes they are reluctant to say what they think unless asked outright.

It is so so hard. She is your Mum and even if she has "had a long and full life" she will be a big loss in your life and it is hard to see her suffer. Be kind to yourself. Take time to recharge after visits, eat well etc to keep your own strength up.