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I don't know where to turn - Carers UK Forum

I don't know where to turn

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Hi I'm new here I am a carer for my 22 year old son who has aspergers and schizophrenia. Life is always chaotic but recently things have taken a turn for the worse and no one seems able to help me. My son is at the moment very unstable and unpredictable and is directing all his anger towards me. He is not willing to go to the gp or let me bring his psychiatric appt forward as he says they don't know what they are talking about.I have rung the crisis Team myself but they just tell me to bring him to accident and emergency which he refuses to do. So I am stuck I am sitting on the landing at 2 in the morning crying after yet another verbally abusive attack I can't ask him to leave as he is a vulnerable adult please does anyone have any advice as I really don't know what to do now
Hi Debra

I hope you managed to get to bed and get some sleep. I have absolutely no experience in this field, so can't offer any practical advice, but just wanted o know that someone had heard your cry for help. I'm sure someone with more experience will be along soon.

In the meantime, hang in there. Sending you a big cyber hug.

Emma
Hey Debra

If you feel like either you or him are in danger, you can always call the police. They were brilliant when my son deteriorated before Christmas - within 48 hours he was in a PICU. As much as you may want to avoid having him sectioned, it may be the best thing for him at the moment. Just 4 weeks in hospital has seen my son go from absolute nightmare to the best I've seen him in 2 years. It is not mean or cruel, it is not giving up, it is doing the right thing for him.

Also, if you haven't already been under the care of an Early Intervention in Psychosis service, you could contact them (you can refer your son in).

I know how awful it feels to have the responsibility of looking after someone like your son, and how desperately lonely it can feel. Feel free to pm me if you need someone xxxx
Hello Debra

This brings back memories for me.
My daughter is 36 and suffers from Bi Polar and Borderline personality Disorder. But she was not as vulnerable as your son. But she did keep me awake all night, out of control and verbally abusive, screaming, threatening etc.
It must be so hard for you just now, you will be exhausted. (He probably won't be)
You can speak to your GP about him yourself.
Are you able to contact a family liaison mental health nurse to give you support?
Is there anyone who can keep an eye on him so that you can catch up on sleep?
Christina
Hi Debra, welcome to the forum.
Did you know that you were entitled to a "Carers Assessment" from Social Services?
In my area, there are groups/coffee mornings specially for those supporting someone with mental health issues. The easiest way to find out what help there is in your own area is to talk to others with similar problems, as they may already have found the solutions you need.
Hi Debra

Sending (((hugs))) too. It's awful to be on the receiving end of abuse from a psychotic son. I too have been fobbed off with the A&E suggestion - doesn't work, you can't make them go.

It isn't your son talking though, it's this awful illness, and although it seems bleak now there is treatment available out there. Steph's suggestion is a good one.

We are all here with you.
First of all I want to thank you all for your replies and hugs that meant so much to me . I know I could ring the police and have done in the past but not an option at the moment as he is on police bail for an unrelated incident which ironically he didn't actually do so I'm worried that he will go to prison if I ring them. He used to 6 under early intervention but he wouldn't engage with them so they discharged him. So really my only options are the crisis Team , accident and emergency or the gp and seeing as I can't make him go anywhere I feel stuck. He apologised for last night but at the moment is muttering to someone I can't see and is giving me evil looks so I'm dreading the night to come. It does help to know there are people who care though so thank you
Debra, I'm only saying this as an 'ordinary person' with no knowledge of the precise law etc etc, BUT, surely the police, if called because he is becoming 'dangerous' in your house (to you and to himself) will keep that completely separate from any other police matter he may have become involved in. If called now surely they will treat him as a 'psychiatric patient' not as a 'criminal'. However dangerous he might be in your house, it will be because of 'diminished responsibility' NOT 'criminal intent'.

I'm sure others here will know the situation from a more expert perception, but I can't believe that someone who is mentally ill would be treated as a criminal?? (Surely either a doctor would see him, or he'd be assigned a solicitor, both of whom must surely identify him as a mental patient!)

Wishing you all the best at a very difficult time for you, and do hope that tonight is easier. I'm glad he apologised, but it also shows that his 'real person' is still in there somewhere, and all this 'delerium' he's showing is from his MH.
I don't know if this applies to you at all Debra but my son was discharged from an EIS on the grounds that he wouldn't engage with them (not really true but that's another story).

When I was worried about him a few months later, the Crisis Team contacted the EIS again and - new academic year, all change at EIS - they took him on again. Within two months he was taking medication under threat of a section.

So try again at the EIS? If you are interested, please PM for ideas for how to get the EIS on board whatever your son is saying.
Hi Debra , how are things ? I do feel for you my son has a brain injury and autism , I have struggled all his life but he is now 20 and was living in residential care, they sounded brilliant and said they could manage his behaviour , even have a specialist behaviour nurse on the staff . I have been living with him for over week , as when he got upset his carers all hid behind a door and his arm got crushed !!!! he had a stroke as a baby , and has a mental health nurse on board ( though hes just an observer really , i wouldnt let them section him again , but the brain injury unit wouldnt have him eith er to do a specialist assessment .It was all i could bdo not to just take him home but I know for him its not the best in the long run, sorry this was meant to be about you ...just wanted you to know you are not alone , i have abuse and violence to deal with all the time ...i have no answers but know you shouldnt live in fear ...the best thing would be to get him out of the house in his own place with others supporting him so you dont have to live in fear ....message me if you want to i,m here to listen you must feel so desperate let alone be completely exhausted ....
much love
Virginia