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i am new to forum - Carers UK Forum

i am new to forum

Tell us a bit about yourself here.
I really do not know if I am posting this in right place :?:
I am 68yrs old & been a carer since 1976 , I am now so lonely & fed up with my life , just need
to at least talk to some who feels the same as me .
I have 3 children who do support me ,but have there own lives to live , so only bother them when really have to.
Hi Pat,

Welcome to the Carers UK forum – you're definitely in the right place!

Sorry to hear things are hard for you at the moment. There will be plenty of other people in a similar situation to you who will be along soon to share their experiences. In the meantime, do have a look round the forum and get in touch with me or one of the moderators if you need any help or advice about using the forum (you can send me a message by clicking the 'pm' button to the right of this message).

Kate :)
Hi Pat, welcome to the forum. I'm not sure of who you care for, but it's really important to find some "me" time every week. I've been a carer forover 30 years, developed a life threatening condition as a result of too much caring. Have you had a recent Carers Assessment?
A carer for nearly 40 years?! Good God, that is astounding! I'm not in the slightest surprised you are so low.

What is your situation with caring? Is it for your husband? Or a now adult child with needs?

Whatever your situation, you will find sympathy and encouragement here.

However dedicated you are to your caree, it's essential to carve out, somehow, just a little time and space for yourself. You have a right to your own life, your own happiness - you are not here on this planet simply and solely to carer for another person, however much you may love them or they love you. And you absolutely totally must get each and every and ALL state support, financial and practical, that you possibly can, which I do hope you are doing.

All the very best to you, and I hope being here helps you cope with what you are copoing with, and have, for so, so long....

Kind regards, Jenny
Hello Pat,

And welcome to the Forum. I am sure you will fit in as lots of people here are also lonely and fed-up with their lot. Such seems to be the life of a carer! This Forum has been a godsend to me and many others.

Who do you care for? I care for my mum who has dementia plus various physical ailments. I am lucky enough to be only doing this part-time though.

Have a look around the Forum and join in where you want. You will soon get used to it.
Anne x
Hi Ever One
Thank you for all for your kind replies .
I carer for my husband he had an accident in 1976 which left him with uncontrolled epilepsy
& damage to his spine , which over the years has gradually worsened & now spends most of the time in bed , he is taking so many strong pain killers including Fentynal patches & morphine that he sleeps a lot & has mood swings , now he has short time memory loss & I think onset dementure ,but the doctor does not agree & will not help me.
He gets very muddled , angry/ spite full then picks away until we have a row then falls a sleep or has a fit ,when he wakes up or comes round he says '' all right darling '' & expects me
to forget all that he has said :cry: .
My problem is ,that I lost my two dear friends with in 3 weeks of each other ,these two ladies under stood that some times I had to say no to a cup of coffee or going into town , now I only have my family who are great but its there dad & I can not say to much to them .
Night time is the worst also sunny days , I cant leave him as he does stupid things & I am afraid he will wonder of or hurt himself , he refuses a sitter & if I suggest respite he says he can cope on his own & throws a tantrum . I have had 4 respite breaks & he makes me feel so guilty ,also phones me or the children all the time I am away .
Don't get me wrong he can be a lovely caring man but now I wait for him to turn on me , I sit here at night & think is this all I have to look forward to .

Sorry I know there are people out there worse of than me but at the moment I just want to curl up & cry .
Thank you for your support you don't know how much it helps ,just to have a moan & not be judged , people often say to me just go out /ignore him / walk out , how can I , how would I feel if he was to really hurt him self or worse .
All the very best to you all
Hi Pat
I too care for a husband who had an accident and now has uncontrolled epilepsy and cognitive/memory problems. He too doesn't think that there are any problems and can cope perfectly well on his own. :roll:
He gets ideas into his head and can't let go of them, but after a couple of weeks he has forgotten that he ever had them. He can tell you how to do things, but can't actually put it into practice because he has trouble working out what order to do things. He has said quite horrible things to me and then forgets that he ever said them. All these things are because of his head injury and not because of dementia.

Its hard isn't it? Especially as in hubby case he is very good at small talk and when people meet him they don't realise that there is anything wrong. He has even managed to fool quite a few medical people too because he is very good at hiding his problems. :o He doesn't "fit" into any easy boxes, so I have never had any help from social services and have had to fight for benefits

I expect you are still grieving for your friends, most people have no idea what it is like. I must say that I am a member of a few different forums and I find that these help me enormously.
Hi Pat,
I'm now 62, carer for 35 years, as my son was brain damaged when he was born. As I get older, and I've developed health problems of my own, my strength and stamina have diminished hugely. Now I'm only a part time carer, exhausted every weekend my son is home, slthough his behaviour etc is beeter. You are older than me and facing increasing challenges as time passes. After I had a car accident I had to streamline everything, a washer dryer was vital as I couldn't carry heavy wasing, the borders in the garden were flattened, I wore clothes which didn't need ironing. Collectively, it made life a lot easier. Have you ever had counselling? I found it hugely helpful. I can't understand why your GP isn't being more supportive. I sometimes suggest to people to stop trying to be Superwoman. Perhaps you might find counselling helpful too?
Hello Pat, and welcome :)
Hello, welcome & big hugs :D

I know the deep chasm you are in well. I have no-one outside family, I care for my partner who has physical & mental problems & on all sorts of drugs.

Friends seem to have just melted away, so it's just me & him and to make it more isolated we have really nasty vindictive neighbours too.

This site has been a God send to me and I hope it will help you through each dark hour too.

Kiki x