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Hi I am new too - Carers UK Forum

Hi I am new too

Tell us a bit about yourself here.
Hi my name is Eileen and I care for my husband who had progressive heart disease. I do feel very guilty sometimes as he is a very lovely man and will do what he can. He cooks for me and tries to do other things. I am finding now that I am beginning to do more of the chores and as I work for myself I get exhausted most of the time. I am the main earner now so all the responsibility for bills, mortgage etc is on my shoulders and sometimes i could cry and I do sometimes as I think to myself how much longer can I do this? Then I look at my husband and feel so guilty for even thinking about this. He does understand as he was the main carer for his late wife who died of cancer so he knows exactly what I am going through. My friends dont seem to understand so I dont talk to them about it anymore so I am glad I have found this site where hopefully I can find some llike minded people who can listen and I know have been down this road. I sometimes feel very angry too which I then feel guilty about as I know he would do the exactly the same thing for me if the boot was on the other foot. Most days I can cope but when I get overwhelmed with work and the house - I just want to scream and shout which makes my husband sad and me too. Vicous circle I am afraid. Anyway, thank you for allowing me to share and hope to be able to get some comfort from this forum.
Hi Eileen and a warm welcome to the forum, plenty of support and advice to be found on here. Roll call on carer to carer is a good place to get to know us all.

No need to feel guilty, though I know it may still be there. It's there for me sometimes too, but speaking to people in a similar situation helps with the whole caring role. Look forward to seeing you around on the board.
hi eileen welcome to the forom you can send me a message if you like i will get back to you Image Image
Hi Thank you for your lovely replies, it has put my faith back in humans, as sometimes the isolation I feel is awful and it is so nice to know that you can what you need to say without people judging you. I have started to be careful what I say to people that know us both as I feel that they are judging me and saying yes but he is a great man and yes he is I am not doubting this. Something I would like to share is what my son said to me. He is 22 years of age and has been hard work but now he has a job, a flat and a lovely girlfriend and has grown up into a well balanced young man anyway, I was saying that how everyone sees what my husband does ie when he cooks lovely meals which he does and does not see what I do and my lovely son said well mum people only see what he does they dont see what you do every day of the week. I could have cried and I said thank you. It made me feel so much better knowing that he could see further than everyone else. Last night a lady we know came around for dinner and phillip had cooked and she said does your husband cook everynight and I said mostly except for the indians and pasta which I do and she said arnt you lucky!!. Yes I am I thought but I would love to be able to do the cooking and do not have the time or the strength sometimes I just want to sit after a hard days work so again she had seen what my husband does but not commented on what I did. How did I feel, resentful but I was happy that I could go upstairs and post you everyone on this forum.!! god this is great to be able to freely say how I feel. Thanks people by the way how do I put smileys on my text please.
Hello and welcome from me too.

Hope you make some new virtual friends on the forum. Just a pity we couldn`t all come round for dinner. Your hubby sounds a treasure.........mine would need a floor plan to find the kitchen!... but I wouldn`t swap what little time we have left on this earth together for anything... even when I am having my daily weep in the bath of a morning.

As regards to who does what, if the work/lifestyle balance works for you then my mantra would be "People who don`t know us don`t matter, people who do know us, know better"

Take care
Hi Eileen,

I know exactly how you feel because I feel the same way. Although my husband was critically ill at one point, he's now able to get out of the house and he could talk for England. His friends only see a sociable man who enjoys his daily visit to the pub. I see someone who cannot shower himself or change a lightbulb.

It is a lonely existance and tough not being able to talk to anyone about what it's like to be a carer - except here. WELCOME! You are amongst friends.