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who cares for the carer? - Carers UK Forum

who cares for the carer?

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Good Morning All,
I am Glyn, I care for my wife who suffers severe depression to the point of suicide attempt leaving her with multiple injuries, and in severe pain 24/7, she also suffers OCD, ANXIETY and BPD... I am okay with caring for her, and I keep up with a 40 hour working week....but at 55 it is now taking its toll on my wellbeing too, I have suffered with back problems for the last few years myself..two disks are seized together and fluid near the edge walls...this morning it took me half an hour to do twenty steps to our bathroom, as my back could not take the weight and my legs folded.... my worry is ., how would we cope if I was to have to give up work...with bills...rent...etc etc...and then who would also help my wife get around...this is getting to me now as my pain is getting unbearable, back to the doctors this morning to see if they can give me anything else to help :(
Dear Glyn

Welcome to the forum - that sounds like a very difficult situation you're dealing with. A 'worn out carer' alas, is only too familiar on these boards, so in that sense you're in good company!

Hope you'll get some 'tea and sympathy' here, at least, kind regards, Jenny
Hello Glyn and welcome to the forum :)

Do you have any outside help/support from Social Services in the form of Care Assistants ?
If not you should think about contacting Social Services to get a Needs Assessment for your wife and a Carers Assessment (to determine what help YOU need to carry on caring) for your self.

There are benefits that you should be able to access to help with the financial side of things, but I'm no expert so would suggest that you contact the Carers UK Adviceline team for a benefits check
Need expert advice? You can talk to the Carers UK Adviceline five days a week, no matter where you are in the UK or how complex your query is. We do benefits checks and advise on financial and practical matters related to caring.

0808 808 7777
Open Monday to Friday, 10am to 4pm

The Carers UK Adviceline also includes a listening service, there for you to talk through your caring situation with a trained volunteer who understands what you are going through. Available Mondays and Tuesdays, from 9am to 7pm.
The Adviceline telephones are generally very busy, so it's usually better to email them in the first instance.

Also check out the links under the "Help and Advice" tab in the red banner at the top of the page.
that is a lot of the problem really, me being stubborn, and not asking for help I suppose, the problem is with strangers entering our home when she is alone, the anxiety and nerves start up, and then panic attacks, so with my work situation I have to then take time off which I know my boss is pretty understanding, but working as a small team it is not good, especially with holidays coming up.....she does have a CPN and a PEER buddy but she has had two operations this year so her/my restbite weeks have been missed, and I think this has heightened my plight so to speak....she had a social worker who was suppose to sort out her independant living allowance which could have been used for a carer ... but he never sorted it and we have not seen him for months...same excuse, short staff and cuts :( ....really do not help people like us does it :(
Glyn, I'm very concerned about your back. Have you seen a back consultant recently? My mum had very serious back issues, I'd rather not say exactly, but I think you should ask to be referred asap. Your health is so important, as without you, where would your wife be? Definitely apply for PIP (new name for benefit replacing Disability Living Allowance) as soon as possible. Maybe there is a benefits advice office near you?
thanks for concern about me too ( back now good again and up and running at fall speed) and the PIP form is being filled in by EQUAL LIVES person in the next couple of weeks, as wifes CPN and PEER worker have both been round and given my wife the details so they can help, no sign of her social worker though...he was suppose to be sorting out DIRECT PAYMENTS , whatever they are, but not seen him for months now, holiday soon, and then couple of weeks rest bite for us both....that does help a lot, although not wanting to be apart from wife...it is a welcome break at times...and this year has been a long one due to her ops and illnesses...been a hard one :(
Social worker should complete the Needs Assessment and decide what care she needs in a reasonable length of time. I suggest you contact the office and ask when you can expect to receive it. Once they have decided what she needs, and what it would cost to provide it, they should give you the option of Direct Payments - paying your wife the money directly so she/you can arrange the care she needs.