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Husband - Carers UK Forum

Husband

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Hello
I’m caring for my husband at the moment who had a type 2 myocardial infarction in October last year. We see the cardiologist next Monday, yes it’s taken that long which is ridiculous.
He was fine at first but now he has become depressed and argumentative and he takes it out on me. He has bronchiectstasis and gets breathless. He has asthma and he is overweight. He won’t diet. He’s 61. He has a chest infection at the moment but won’t take his antibiotics he has spare.
I have had enough of the way he is with me. I am a community carer myself looking after elderly people in their own homes. I love my job but it means I’m caring 24/7. I’m constantly worrying about my husband will have another attack. We have a cruise booked in June but we can’t get travel insurance for him yet because he’s under investigation. I feel like walking out but I wouldn’t do it. I don’t like him much at the moment. Can anyone give me any advice. I’m not suicidal but I do take antidepressants for anxiety.
You've both been through a lot. Have you told him how you feel? What does he say?
I know exactly what you mean when you say " I don't like him at the moment" as I have the same feelings about my wife, I still love the girl I married but she's not always there, although all of the differences are as a result of her MS, it's a very cruel disease.

You say he won't diet, does he do the cooking, or could you just feed him less calories? Also, remove any snacking products from your shopping list. Yes, really! Everything that not necessary to sustain life, biscuits, cakes, crisps, fizzy drinks etc etc.
Holiday insurance...

Usually, some companies with insure for existing medical conditions but exclude for medical conditions under investigation. So there would be amount of cover. It's an individuals own risk to go without all health issues covered. As you properly know usually a cruise company don't take passage without adequate cover.

Have to discussed going on your own. Or is this something you would not consider. I know this statement is some what a different situation. Years ago my husband refused to fly. So I went with friends. He hated the fact I went without him and after t I returned he decided to fly. And has flown every since until is health would not allow. And now we cruise.

Have you looked at Martin Lewis web site and/or send his team a message.

You could try AGE UK for insurance policy covers a lot of health issues. That other companies don't.
I have had a few medical issues.
Gradually worked my way down the Which list of travel insurer providers, all quite horrible. Then I remember that I used to do it through my bank, who did it through AXA, but later gave up the scheme.
Anyhow I rang AXA, who were very good, asked sensitble questions and listened properly to my answers. They were happy to insure me, I think it was just £20 above someone without my history.

As it's a heart related issue, I'm wondering if the British Heart Foundation had links with an insurer?

I do hope you can both go, and blow the blues away.
Hello Gillian. I'm sorry you're having such a difficult time with your husband. You are not alone. Us carers have a lot to put up with.
What I would suggest to you is to work out some coping mechanisms. For example - when he starts moaning just walk away into another room. Don't listen to him if he starts insulting you. Turn the music/tv on instead of listening to him. Hopefully he will get the message and be more polite towards you.
Also, TELL him that he is upsetting you and you can't take it anymore.
I really hope this helps.
Hello and welcome

Please seek counselling pronto. You need it badly. Ask for a referral. Have you asked for a needs assessment or not? Do you claim benefits for him? The two most important ones are pip and esa. Call Citizen's Advice to talk with a benefits advisor or send them a email tomorrow. Also contact the local council to request a social worker to do a needs assessment. They should send someone out.