How to you stop yourself from « losing it »

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I look after my long-term partner who has had Parkinson’s for nearly 15 years and now has dementia. I find the dementia absolutely exhausting and very frustrating. My partner has some compulsive behaviour and once he has an idea in his head cannot easily be diverted. Patience has never been my strongest asset. I find myself getting very angry and resentful at times as well as tired. I am now 75.
Dementia is immensely difficult to 'manage' as a carer. They become 'wilful' and, as you say, very set on doing things they want to do, and can't be 'reasoned' out of it (because they are losing the ability to 'reason' at all).

I would say you have to 'pick your battles', and by and large, given their head whenever it's possible to do so. This is not to 'indulge' them, but simply to make life easier for yourself, as it is, alas, only going to get harder and harder. You are, and it's dreadful to think this about anyone, let alone one's wife/husband, on a one-way road now, and there is no getting off, only trying to make the journey as least stressful as possible.

I think for quite a few of us caring for those with dementia, there is a strong urge to 'fight' the impact of the disease, to try and 'keep them with us' as long as we can, even, perhaps, to 'steer' them simply because the more 'normal' we can make their behaviour, the less frightening it is, ie, the less it frightenes us that we are losing someone we love. Ever 'demonstration' of 'dementia-behaviour' is another nail in the coffin of what used to be our relationship with them....painful and fearful.

I wouldn't try and argue with him, because you 'can't win'. But I know that 'indulging' in whatever they are coming up with can seem wrong, especially if they are 'confabulating' (real word - I read it here - from what I understand it means that when the memory goes, 'false memories' are invented, ie, confabulated, to take the space, and give the person the vital illusion that they are not 'losing their mind', even though, of course, that is exactly what is happening). We are usually told to 'go along' with what they are telling us, but not in a way that confirms it, or agrees with it. We work out 'neutral' things to say (a sort of 'Fancy that!' kind of response), and then, as easily as we can, we divert their attention away.

I'm not sure whether it's reassuring or the opposite to know that over time, as dementia takes its incrfeasingly dreadful toll, these stubborn 'wilful' bheaviours can ease (ie, they simply forget them as well as everything else), and often they DO become easier. My MIL went from constantly trying to 'escape' to being, as she is now, so much more 'peaceable'. It makes things easier for her, of course, an that is the important thing, but also for those looking after her.

I know this is a dreadful time for you, and only worse can come, which is even more dreadful, but I do urge, in spite of everything, to make the very MOST of this time with your husband, while you still have it. Already I can look back only to this time last year with my MIL when she was still far more 'herself' than she is now.

I wish you as well as can be, in a situation where there is no 'well'.....
I know there is a link between dementia and Parkinsons, but not much more. I suggest you put both words onto Google and see what it comes up with, and the best way to manage the patient. Are you claiming Attendance Allowance? Exemption from Council Tax due to Severe Mental Impairment (back dateable to the date of diagnosis!!!) Has he had a Needs Asseessment, and you, a Carers Assessment, from Social Services?