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How much family support do you get ? - Page 2 - Carers UK Forum

How much family support do you get ?

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Hi everyone,

Gosh, I can relate to this. My family have made the entire situation more difficult. My sister was rather like your relatives, Jennifer, she'd turn up without notice, plonk herself down and pour out all her troubles. Eventually I told her that (a) I needed her to arrange when to come over rather than just showing up and (b) that it would be nice to see her when she was in a good mood, rather than just when she wanted someone to moan to. That was about six years ago now and I never really saw her again. We did stay in touch by text for a while but my son was very ill for three years and she didn't visit him once, despite only living ten minutes up the road. When we moved house I invited her to come and see the new place (twenty minutes away from where she lived). We were there for eighteen months and she never came round. The final straw was my son's sixteenth birthday - she'd forgotten all about his birthday for the two years previous to that (which we'd had a big row about) and on his sixteenth sent me a text saying she'd bought him a card and I could pick it up anytime I wanted. My son has complex needs and requires 24 hour support so my patience ran out at that point and I never contacted her again.

My mum, dear God, is in a whole different category, and has reported me to every agency going claiming that I abuse and neglect my son. How she convinces people is beyond me; she's an alcoholic and the narrative she gives is very contradictory and to anyone with any sense obviously doesn't make sense. Yet she's managed to do a very convincing job six or seven times now, I think (I've lost count!). At one point I reported her to the police because she'd forged my signature on my son's Premium Bonds account, to take back money that she'd given him. I found out because I received a letter from the Premium Bond people and obviously I then let them know that I hadn't requested the money. They sent me a copy of the withdrawal form, on which she'd formed my signature and had also claimed a change of address and put her contact details down instead of mine. So I reported her to the police and during the police interview she claimed that she tried to take the money back because I have schizophrenia and can change personalities without warning, and keep spending my son's money. She told them that I am very good at coming across as normal to other people and that I read up on mental health conditions on the internet so that I can convince people I don't have them. They believed all of that and took no action against her. That's just one example; she's done similar things over and over again and what always comes across in the narrative she gives is her own poor mental health and general lack of connection with reality - yet she's regularly been believed over me and I've had child protection action taken against me many times. So I don't have any contact with her, either :)

So to get back to the point of the thread, I agree with others - you do need to put your foot down, although it may mean that they don't visit at all anymore or that they say unpleasant things. I don't know why people behave like that, it's very difficult to cope with and really no more effort to be nice but for some reason a lot of people don't seem to be able to do that. I hope you can find a way to change things without it being upsetting for you xx