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homecare - Carers UK Forum


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i am a carer for my 85 year old mother,who has arthritis and currently having tests for dementia.i have descided i need some help from homecare.i was wondering , if they come in 4 times each day on certain days , would it be every 2 or 3 hours or? comments would be helpful as i try to sort out our next move.regards jane b.
There would be an assessment of needs carried out. A package of care would be decided and agreed by all parties. All care packages are unique to all individuals.
You will need to insist on what you CANNOT and WILL NOT do - do remember that we have NO legal 'duty of care' and it can be necessary to remind the NHS and SS of that, as otherwise they will 'dump' the care on us or say they haven't got any careworkers available blah blah blah. But they HAVE to provide them if we say we cannot or will not provide any or all the care necessary.

Dementia is a dreadful disease, alas, and so, whether or not your mum is formally diagnosed at this moment, if her behaviour is such that she can no longer look after herself etc, you will need, sadly, to assume that there is some form of dementia, and if that is so then it will grimly just get worse and worse, and her care needs will increase remorselessly.

So what ever package of care is agreed now, be prepared for having to increase that as the months go by,. and her faculties fail increasingly.

Please do NOT feel 'guilty' about not providing all the care - NO ONE can care for a patient with advanced dementia - it takes more than one person, and even with a team of incoming care-workers it can be an immense challenge and very, very exhausting. The behaviour of someone with adanced dementia is unpredicatable and highly eratic. They cease to realise anyone else exists, and will have no 'pity' for you, etc (their minds are 'failing' alas).

Please do claim all the financial help that you and your mum are entitled to - some is not well known - eg, that those with dementia are exempt from council tax! This forum and website is excellent for information on all the financial aspects of cariong.
Jane, having now lost all four parents, I would say that you must accept that mum is in the final stage of life. Whatever you do, wherever mum is, now she has reached the stage of being "very elderly" her needs are going to increase fairy rapidly.
People of this age simply lose sight of how much others are doing for them, not being selfish, but self centred, as their world shrinks to a tiny area. Try to think ahead. At what stage will you have to accept defeat?
What can you do to help mum? If you think whatever you do, she is going to need residential care, investigate local homes. They might have respite beds, so perhaps with regular respite she could delay permanent admission.
Successful caring involves balancing the needs of the carer and caree. Accepting every scrap of help available. Streamlining the house and garden to reduce any work to a bare minimum, a dishwasher and tumble dryer are absolute must haves to me.
Starty thinking about what you are happy to do (for me, that was managing mum's finances) and gradually get others to do the things you don't want to do.