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Hi-new member - Carers UK Forum

Hi-new member

Tell us a bit about yourself here.
Hi to all-I'm Ali and I joined today after reading messages for a couple of weeks. I am married with 2 teenagers-17 and 13, work full time and am also carer for my mum.
She is 77 and lives on her own since we lost my dad suddenly 12 months ago. We also lost my brother suddenly 18 months ago.
She struggles with constant back,hip and neck pain due to advanced oesteoporosis, and she has several other stomach conditions which often lead to hospital admission, and other health conditions, and is needing more support to manage day to day tasks and run the house.I help her with all of that, do her shopping,finances and sort out prescriptions, most hospital appointments etc.She has a cleaner in and a neighbour kindly does the garden, so some big things are covered.
Life has been very difficult over the last eighteen months coming to terms with the bereavements and mum's increasing needs.My brother does token visits but is not much help otherwise, so feel I have the responsibilities for everything.My husband,kids and extended family seem quite oblivious to the pace of life I've been trying to keep up, and I am currrently off work as I got to burn out stage. I have just registered with the local carers group and have been chatting things over at the local Mind group as well-its been good to offload a bit to someone objective.I think the forum will help too Ali
Hi Ali,
I care for my Mum too, she is 81 and has just moved in with us waiting for her "granny Annexe" to be built on the back garden, we are about a week away from being granted planning permission , and then the build can begin.

I hope you will like it here, the people around here seem to get what Im talking about, and have usually had similar experiences.
Hi Ali and welcome, Image
Hi and a warm welcome from me.

Welcome aboard Ali. It wont take you long to settle in and get to know the 'faces' here
Hello Ali - and welcome! No wonder you got to the burn out stage! You do too much - nobody can be expected to keep up that pace. Have you explained to the people around you how you are feeling?
Have you had a Carer's Assessment and would you be able to get Social Services in to find a way to help you with looking after your Mum?
I hope you enjoy your visits to the Forum x
Image Hi to all-thank you for the warm welcome

Hi Caring-Mind- re Carers Assessment I have not had one yet- only very recently thought of myself as a carer but I have a form in the pack the Carers group gave me- maybe thats the next step.
Re social services help- Mum can wash,dress, sort her medication and cook for herself although it takes her longer to do things, so the usual morning and evening help is not really required yet, and she wants to be flexible when she gets up and goes to bed etc. She needs support for things like finaces, phone calls,changing her bed, appointments, shopping etc which aren't such a defined 'need' but can take up a lot of time. She is on her own now so I want to keep her company too

The problem is that there is myself and my brother and he keeps himself at a conveneient distance, so its all down to me on as day to day basis. Image
Have ranted to my husband about pulling his weight at home so he feels guilty and is doing stuff at the mo, but it will tail off until I rant again-familiar pattern! Image
Sorry- rant over Image -what is your situation?

Hi Ali and welcome, I care for my Mum shes 79 and had a stroke a few years ago, she can sort herself out but needs help with certain things and just lately shes getting a bit forgetful and confused a times, also care for my disabled daughter who is 17 and if hubbys back problem gets any worse thats 3 I am caring for!

I am an only one so understand how you feel x
Hi Ali, I am also new to this site and I think we are living mirror lives. I moved my mum who is 77 in with us after my Dad died in November. I have 3 teenagers and my brother died in August 2009 in an accident. I also have another useless brother who does nothing to help !!!! I am struggling with this sudden responsibility and feel very trapped. I am lucky that I don't have to work but I feel guilty every time I leave my mum at home. She is good mentally but struggles with walking too far. Reading other posts on here helps me to realise that others have much more difficult situations but I think we all need a good moan every now and then!
Welcome Peeps nice to meet you, why not pop onto the Carer to Carer boar and have a chat on the roll call thread, its where we all post daily and chat away