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- Member
Tue Sep 09, 2014 8:53 pm
Hi, I've just joined the forum as I haven't really anyone to talk to in real life. I'm caring for my husband who has multiple health problems and I've got to the stage where I'm really struggling. He's had health problems for a long time but over the years they've gradually got worse and as he's gone downhill, I've moved gradually into a more caring role plus taking on most of the household chores/shopping/cooking/looking after kids etc and I'm finding it exhausing and stressful.
His mobility is restricted due a spinal condition, arthritis and sciatica, he has severe depression and anxiety and is unable to go anywhere on his own, even the local shop or GP surgery, so I have to do all the shopping, run all the errands and go with him to every appointment. He also has diabetes, angina, sleep apnoea and severe reflux which leaves him choking and gasping for air quite often through the night. His memory, concentration and motivation isn't good and because his sleep is so disrupted at night, he's always sleeping through the day. He relies on me to make sure he takes his tablets, eats properly (he misses meals which isn't good for his diabetes) and make meals as he cannot stand long enough to make anything more than a sandwich.
While I want to be there for him and I know he'd do the same for me, I have my own health problems and cannot cope with working, caring and doing all the household duties as well. I reduced my hours a couple of years ago due to my own health and at the time that worked okay as my husband was still able to do things around the house, help with shopping/errands/cooking and could look after himself. As he's got worse and can't do nearly as much as he used to do, I've gradually had to take on more and more and I just feel I can't do it anymore. I could work or I could care, but I cannot do both and it's really affecting my health. I have a long history of depression and anxiety, plus diabetes and some kind of inflammatory bowel condition which is being investigated at the moment. I don't sleep well, often not getting to sleep till 2-3am and getting up for work at 8 feeling rotten. I'm constantly exhausted and stressed and I know my diabetes isn't under control as well as it could be because I don't look after myself as well I should - either over or under-eating, eating the wrong things, too much comfort food and forgetting to take my medication at the right time despite trying to keep my hubby on a strict eating/medication routine to keep his diabetes controlled.
My job is very stressful and it doesn't help that we live in tied accommodation which is attached to my place of work and comes with the job, so I never really get away from the place (due to finances and my husband's health we don't go away very often). Our neighbours are also my clients and some of them are not very nice people and have made our lives difficult with malicious gossip, invasions of privacy and harassment. Now they're leaving us alone but they're constantly at war with each other, so after a day of dealing with conflict and people in a highly emotional state, I'm absolutely drained. My work and my home life are both being affected and I feel like I'm not doing very well at either.
The problem is that if I leave my job we have to move out of our home. We have nowhere else to go and when I asked the council what would happen if I gave up my job, they said they would probably regard us as making ourselves voluntarily homeless so they wouldn't give us any help. I'd also be sanctioned for benefits for leaving a job voluntarily, so we'd be homeless and penniless in one stroke - I feel so trapped! Private rent isn't an option as we don't have the money for bond/deposit etc plus the fact that finding a private landlord to take on someone on benefits (specially someone with benefit sanctions) would be impossible. We are well and truly trapped by "the system" for both housing and benefits, and sometimes I really wish I'd never taken on this job, though six years ago when I started both of us were in reasonably good health and didn't realise what was around the corner.
We applied for PIP for my husband and he had a medical last week so I'm praying he gets it, as at the moment that is the only way I can see us getting out of this situation. If he gets PIP care, I'm hoping that's a way to be able to pack in work without sanctions as I should be able to claim Carers Allowance for looking after him, then we should get help with re-housing as I'd be regarded as leaving my job to care for a disabled person which would be accepted as a valid reason. I'm praying he gets it as I don't know what I'll do if he doesn't. I know we can appeal, but that could take months and we've already waited six months since we applied. I talked a little to a colleague a few weeks ago and she said why didn't I go on long term sick so eventually they'd have to finish me on the grounds of ill health, rather than me resigning. I don't really want to do that as I'd feel like a fraud but feel I might have to if there isn't any other way to get round "the system"!
Anyway, sorry for the long rant but it's nice to get it out, thanks for reading.
His mobility is restricted due a spinal condition, arthritis and sciatica, he has severe depression and anxiety and is unable to go anywhere on his own, even the local shop or GP surgery, so I have to do all the shopping, run all the errands and go with him to every appointment. He also has diabetes, angina, sleep apnoea and severe reflux which leaves him choking and gasping for air quite often through the night. His memory, concentration and motivation isn't good and because his sleep is so disrupted at night, he's always sleeping through the day. He relies on me to make sure he takes his tablets, eats properly (he misses meals which isn't good for his diabetes) and make meals as he cannot stand long enough to make anything more than a sandwich.
While I want to be there for him and I know he'd do the same for me, I have my own health problems and cannot cope with working, caring and doing all the household duties as well. I reduced my hours a couple of years ago due to my own health and at the time that worked okay as my husband was still able to do things around the house, help with shopping/errands/cooking and could look after himself. As he's got worse and can't do nearly as much as he used to do, I've gradually had to take on more and more and I just feel I can't do it anymore. I could work or I could care, but I cannot do both and it's really affecting my health. I have a long history of depression and anxiety, plus diabetes and some kind of inflammatory bowel condition which is being investigated at the moment. I don't sleep well, often not getting to sleep till 2-3am and getting up for work at 8 feeling rotten. I'm constantly exhausted and stressed and I know my diabetes isn't under control as well as it could be because I don't look after myself as well I should - either over or under-eating, eating the wrong things, too much comfort food and forgetting to take my medication at the right time despite trying to keep my hubby on a strict eating/medication routine to keep his diabetes controlled.
My job is very stressful and it doesn't help that we live in tied accommodation which is attached to my place of work and comes with the job, so I never really get away from the place (due to finances and my husband's health we don't go away very often). Our neighbours are also my clients and some of them are not very nice people and have made our lives difficult with malicious gossip, invasions of privacy and harassment. Now they're leaving us alone but they're constantly at war with each other, so after a day of dealing with conflict and people in a highly emotional state, I'm absolutely drained. My work and my home life are both being affected and I feel like I'm not doing very well at either.
The problem is that if I leave my job we have to move out of our home. We have nowhere else to go and when I asked the council what would happen if I gave up my job, they said they would probably regard us as making ourselves voluntarily homeless so they wouldn't give us any help. I'd also be sanctioned for benefits for leaving a job voluntarily, so we'd be homeless and penniless in one stroke - I feel so trapped! Private rent isn't an option as we don't have the money for bond/deposit etc plus the fact that finding a private landlord to take on someone on benefits (specially someone with benefit sanctions) would be impossible. We are well and truly trapped by "the system" for both housing and benefits, and sometimes I really wish I'd never taken on this job, though six years ago when I started both of us were in reasonably good health and didn't realise what was around the corner.
We applied for PIP for my husband and he had a medical last week so I'm praying he gets it, as at the moment that is the only way I can see us getting out of this situation. If he gets PIP care, I'm hoping that's a way to be able to pack in work without sanctions as I should be able to claim Carers Allowance for looking after him, then we should get help with re-housing as I'd be regarded as leaving my job to care for a disabled person which would be accepted as a valid reason. I'm praying he gets it as I don't know what I'll do if he doesn't. I know we can appeal, but that could take months and we've already waited six months since we applied. I talked a little to a colleague a few weeks ago and she said why didn't I go on long term sick so eventually they'd have to finish me on the grounds of ill health, rather than me resigning. I don't really want to do that as I'd feel like a fraud but feel I might have to if there isn't any other way to get round "the system"!
Anyway, sorry for the long rant but it's nice to get it out, thanks for reading.
) with snoring.