hi just new to this .carer to my grandparents

[jenny lucas]

Stacey that's great! Sometimes we can be so rushed/stressed from the endless daily routines, that we can't see the wood for the trees. I think that's why these forums are so helpful - they enabled us to hear other voices, and perhaps bring the wood back into focus (and hopefully show us a path through it!)

All the best with the new regime!

PS - brace yourself for 'pushback' from your grandparents, so you must dig your heels in firmly. Remember to let them win small battles.

[stacey _1705]

Not having a good day with contast fone calls from grandparents and mother about caring needs but im standing strong in this and not backing down until they realise the hugh responsibilty thats placed on me

[Pet66]

If you have an answering machine, I would put it to use. Or even switch your phone off? Maybe would explain to your grandparents that if in need they must phone your mother as you are not available. Will be hard I know, but it's a start.

[stacey _1705]

I am going put it to answer machine and keep it on for other calls. Just find it frustrating that as a grandaughrer recieving all these calls n demands and i living futherest away. all other family live within 5 minutes of grandparents house same street that its all put on me .really not fair or considering i guess

[jenny lucas]

No, of course it's not fair. But there's an obvious reason why they are all phoning YOU, and not your siblings etc.

BECAUSE YOU RESPOND!!!!

So, stop responding, and they'll stop phoning.

Defo install the answer phone ASAP, and definitely yes tell your grandparents to phone your mum, or your other family.

You can leave that message on the answerphone! Something like:

"Hi, if that's my family, please note I'm 'off duty' today as I'm doing other things. Please phone another member of the family."

(If you want to be really 'wicked' you could add 'Please don't leave a message as I shall be deleting all messages unheard when I get home.' ....!)

Like I say, expect 'pushback' (either angry, or tearful or 'panicky' but stay cool and calm, and stick to your guns and your new agenda.)

We are all rooting for you! Cheers, Jenny

[stacey _1705]

Thank you jenny ..yous have all been a great support.and that is true cause i usually jump and respond so i know what i have to do and going stick to my guns.only the second day of looking after myself and there has been backlash as expected but defo up to me to keep pushing through it if i am to have any life for myself.
Thank you

[jenny lucas]

"Grandparents turned down loads of help from services stating i would do it and i hadnt the voice to say no. "

Stacey, remind yourself of what you've written on Helen's thread!

I mean, read it and read it again, as above.

STATING I WOULD DO IT.....

You know, how DARE they say that? How dare they! How dare they 'take over your life' (and your precious youth!) and blithely say YOU will look after them instead of professionals.

Does that look like 'love' to you? It doesn't to me!

I'm slightly wondering whether your mum was given a hard time by her parents, and that may (also) be why she won't go near them now??

That may sound unkind towards your grandparents, and maybe it is, but at the same time, it is the 'arrogance and selfishness and unthinkingness' that comes through to my ears when you wrote what they said in turning down outside help. It's really unforgiveable.

Did they even ASK you if you'd be so kind as to look after them???? Or did they just take it for granted?

I know the elderly can be scared and change-averse, and maybe even 'blind' to how much care they actually need (I used to say of my MIL 'If she knew how much hard work she was, she wouldn't be the hard work she is!' - because she was blissfully unaware of what I did for her!), but I really can't get over that attitude, I really can't.

Anyway, keep going now with your 'new regime' - sorry to hear about the pushback, but it is to be expected. They want you back in the box with your chains back on.....

They've had enough from you. No more.

[stacey _1705]

Thats what i keep telling myself they refused this instead of thinking of me and letting me do my own thing.for months now i have had to put of catching up with friends during the day going to a gym which i enjoyed.i couldnt do this for the next lot of years still.
this also could be true why my mum cant do it she naybe had to deal with this years previous. So im digging my heels in and making sure that they take all the help they are given as i am not wasting anymore of my youth no more

[jenny lucas]

Good for you!

PS -plan a nice treat/outing/holidaybreak for yourself as your 'reward' for all the years you've given them.

[stacey _1705]

Thats my plans exactly .looking into taking a day trip on saturday then getting a holiday booked for late summer for a few wee days. Thank you