"Grandparents turned down loads of help from services stating i would do it and i hadnt the voice to say no. "
Stacey, remind yourself of what you've written on Helen's thread!
I mean, read it and read it again, as above.
STATING I WOULD DO IT.....
You know, how DARE they say that? How dare they! How dare they 'take over your life' (and your precious youth!) and blithely say YOU will look after them instead of professionals.
Does that look like 'love' to you? It doesn't to me!
I'm slightly wondering whether your mum was given a hard time by her parents, and that may (also) be why she won't go near them now??
That may sound unkind towards your grandparents, and maybe it is, but at the same time, it is the 'arrogance and selfishness and unthinkingness' that comes through to my ears when you wrote what they said in turning down outside help. It's really unforgiveable.
Did they even ASK you if you'd be so kind as to look after them???? Or did they just take it for granted?
I know the elderly can be scared and change-averse, and maybe even 'blind' to how much care they actually need (I used to say of my MIL 'If she knew how much hard work she was, she wouldn't be the hard work she is!' - because she was blissfully unaware of what I did for her!), but I really can't get over that attitude, I really can't.
Anyway, keep going now with your 'new regime' - sorry to hear about the pushback, but it is to be expected. They want you back in the box with your chains back on.....
They've had enough from you. No more.