Stacey - one of the sad things that seems to happen to very old people is that they become 'tunnel-visioned' on themselves. They really don't see how much goes into looking after them. To them it's 'just giving them a hand'. If you wrote down a list of what you do, and a' 'timesheet' to account for every task you do all day till mid afternoon, every day, it would be a HUGE amount!
Yes, it's good they have a tumble dryer etc, but what they don't give you is TIME. For them, too, I expect they think (if they think at all!) 'Well, she's a young woman, she's got plenty of time left - we haven't.
BUT, they have HAD their lives! What was your gran doing at your age, what was your granddad doing? Were they spending each and every day looking after THEIR grandparents the way you are?
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The very elderly DO become very 'self-focussed'. They don't think about others very much, and they certainly don't seem to care much that you are devoting your entire life to them! Do they think maybe 'Well, Stacey doesn't have a husband to look after, so of course she's got nothing to do except look after us! She should be glad we're giving her something to do!' (or whatever.)
The elderly also very much like 'family' to look after them. Yes, it's natural - and maybe if you had four sisters that would be OK - you could all share them out between you.
But you're not their housekeepr or servant or skivvy - and if there is work that outsiders could do just as well as you, well, that is what should be happening, whether or not your grandparents want that.
I could be really blunt and say, if they truly loved you, they would never want to eat up your precious youth.
You say, I think, you are 32? How long have you been looking after them? How long will you have to go on looking after them? For two years, four years, six years....will you still be looking after one/both of them when you turn 40 and your youth is gone for ever???
To be absolutely frank with you, I think you should get in touch with SS and tell them you are getting a part time job, eg, mornings perhaps, so you will only be able to put in a couple of hours on your grandparents after lunch (after that it's your free time - note YOUR free time to spend on YOU!).
A part time job might be a good compromise, and even a good 'first stage'. It will give you more work experience, get you 'out of the house' amongst other people, back in the world of work, bring in some money for yourself, etc.
Remember, you can earn a certain amount and still claim carers allowance, it depends, I believe, on how much time you spend caring (so tot that up). That said, you could well find that earning wages is more profitable than taking Carers Allowance anyway!
But I do think things have to change you know. Your grandparents care needs will only increase with time, and yes, one day they may need residential care, but until then, a mix of FAR MORE care-workers and 'some' care from you, is better than what you are giving up for them now.
It's great your're getting more assertive - way to go!!!