Caring for my Mummy

[Guest]

Hello my name is Mary,
Just looking for support really, I am caring for my Mum who was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer in July. Im 24 and Married. I am finding it really hard, my mum needs caring for as she cannot walk or go to the bathroom by herself, i love my mum and wouldnt want anyone else to look after her but i feel i have lost my life, which sounds really selfish i know but i spend all my time with my mum and i miss my husband so much. I have just given up work which was awlful as i loved my job.

[no1mum]

Hi Mary,
Please don't feel alone. It's heartbreaking to see a loved one become a shadow of their former self, it's also hard to admit that you need practical help and support. It may be worth you trying to get someone to sit with your Mum for a couple of hours so that you and your husband get a little time together, it's what I've had to do to make my marriage survive. It helps to talk, just knowing there are others in similar situations helps. I'm happy to lend an ear if you need to talk.
Karen x

[Alexr115]

Hey friend,

welcome to the forum. I've not lived in Preston whilst i've been caring but there must be some carers groups that could help. I suggest you speak to a member on here called 'KRYS' she lives in Preston so she might be able to point you in the direction of people that could provide respite care.

take care
Alex
xxx

[JohnT]

Hi Mary nice to meet you.Welcome to the forums.You've come to the right place for support.Anything you wanna get off your chest feel free to post it and we are hear to try and help.Sorry to hear your Mum is diagnosed as terminal cancer.

[Myrtle]

hello Mary and welcome.

[Rie]

Hello my name is Mary,
Just looking for support really, I am caring for my Mum who was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer in July. Im 24 and Married. I am finding it really hard, my mum needs caring for as she cannot walk or go to the bathroom by herself, i love my mum and wouldnt want anyone else to look after her but i feel i have lost my life, which sounds really selfish i know but i spend all my time with my mum and i miss my husband so much. I have just given up work which was awlful as i loved my job.

Welcome Mary, I was sorry to read about your situation. I can understand a little of what you are going through because I look after my son who has had cancer. He is in remission but the prognosis is "guarded" so I don't know if he will be a survivor or not.

You are not being selfish, it is perfectly normal to feel that you have lost your life. I sometimes feel incredibly angry about how my son's cancer took away what I had.

If your Mum has a MacMillan Nurse or similar, talk to them about how you are feeling. MacMillan also have a website and I think they have a discussion forum too.

It's important that your husband knows that you miss him. Is he able to support you or to share some of the care so that he is still included in your life?

I'll be thinking of you.
Rie x

[susieq]

Hello Mary

And welcome to the forum - you will find lots of support from everyone here

You must not think that are being selfish in asking for your life back - we all know that feeling, it is only natural. Don't beat yourself up over it.

What you must do, however, is find some time for yourself. It doesn't matter if it is only an hour or so each day - it is important that you have time to unwind and refresh. Take each day as it comes, accept every offer of help that comes your way - no matter how small. Get your husband and the rest of the family involved as much as possible. I thought I was the only one who could look after my Mum but now I know that is not only untrue, but, in a funny way, selfish. My sister and other members of the family want to help and want to be part of the caring process. So now they take over at least one day a week and I get time to do some of the things I want to do.

Unload your negative feelings onto us and you'll be surprised by how much mmore positive you will feel - it works for me

susieq

[krys]

hello mary

welcome to the forum
i have sent you a pm

love
krys
xxxx

[Pete the Paint]

Hello Mary,
Suzieq just said it all. I cant imagine how hard it must be being a carer at such a young age. It was bad enough for me starting at 64yrs old!! I too felt I was being selfish because I hated being couped up all day after a lifetime in the building trade. I missed all the "Craic" with the lads so much. I can only tell you that it does get easier, but you must get your husband involved as much as possible and grab all the help you can so you get your own life back!
Give your Mum a hug from us and yourself,
All the best
Pete