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Not really a carer??? - Carers UK Forum

Not really a carer???

Tell us a bit about yourself here.
HI. Well I am not really sure what I am though I am the only family my 90 year old mother has that lives not too far away. She lives 40 miles from me so it's an 80 mile round trip every weekend. I have looked on here and seen what some people have to deal with on a day to day basis and feel that what I do is very little in comparison.
I work full time - I can't afford not to work and then travel to my mum's each weekend to help her out - she is surprisingly fit for her age although her memory is now appalling. My dad has been dead for 7 years now and she seems to rely on me to do everything that he used to do - financially and organising things etc. I was travelling there before he died as he was pretty disabled so all in all I have been doing this for about 11 years now
I have lost all my friends and I just feel so isolated and alone sometimes and to be honest just totally fed up. My brother and his wife do very very little and there is never any support from them. At one time I ended up ill from exhaustion and my GP has told me not to go every week but it is very difficult sometimes not to go. Its like its just expected of me no matter what.
My mother's memory loss makes her really nasty sometimes and i find that so hard to deal with and last year I had booked a holiday for us and the day before we went she rang and told me she did not want to go so I ended up going alone - a few weeks later she was on about booking somewhere for this year Image
I know I shouldn't moan but I just feel so very despondent sometimes
Hiya and a warm welcome to the forum.
Yes, a carer. Actually every weekend and an 80 mile commute counts as fairly heavy caring in my book. And like all carers , you dread that call in the middle of the week and wonder what lies ahead, which to be fair, is only human.
Usual basic checklist: have you got Power of Attorney and a will sorted out? Is social services in touch? Is attendance allowance being claimed?
Definately a carer, welcome Image
Yep,welcome to the club you carer you. Image Image Image Hope you find the Forum useful and fun.
Hello, Angela. Welcome from me too Image

Sometimes I am puzzled as to why so many folk doubt they are carers when it is very clear that they are. And it's very clear to all of us here that you are. So you are in the right place !

Things must be tough for you, working week-days and then week-ends with your mum. Thats quite a schedule for you to live with, both practically and emotionally. I'm sorry to hear that your friends have faded away. Thats not unusual. Many of us here have had exactly that experience. But you have new friends here now, and we are not the sort to drift off. Oh no ! Folk here understand the stresses and what it's really like caring for someone we love.

I'm glad you joined us here. Please make yourself at home.

Oh I'm glad you had a good moan. Often it feels better getting these things out. Most of us have stuff inside that we usually keep the lid on. Its fine to let off steam here. Plenty of steam around these parts some days !

All good wishes,

Hello Angela and welcome to the Forum,

I am in pretty similar situation to you too - work full-time, do one night and stay the weekend at mums. Yes, it is frustrating, tiring, lonely and just plain hard work. But your Forum friends do understand all that. Yes, you are amongst friends here.

Does your mum get any help at all other than you? How bad is the memory? My own mum claimed that she had been speaking to dad on Friday which was scary as he has been dead for 12 years. She is also house-bound but I find the mental issues more scary than the physical ones.

Oh, and I forgot to mention, are you ever tempted to hit anyone at work who says "did you have a nice weekend"? Image

Take care and if you want a good moan, please do.

Look forward to "talking" to you,