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Carers UK Forum • Hi. I'm new to carers uk
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Hi. I'm new to carers uk

Posted: Fri Jul 27, 2018 10:24 pm
by Susan_1807123
Hi. I'm new to carers uk. I'm 59 and am currently looking after my mum 85 who has dementia. My dad 86 who can hardly walk due to wanting a new knee. He has had them both replaced but one of them he thinks needs doing again and my brother who has slight mental health issues. I just need someone to talk to.

Re: Hi. I'm new to carers uk

Posted: Fri Jul 27, 2018 10:31 pm
by MrsAverage
Hi Susan
Not usually many of us around late at night so might take afew days for most people to say 'Hi'.
Wow, that's quite a load of caring responsibilities. Do you have any help or support?

Me, my 95 year oldMum is in a Care Home and has been for 2 (or is it 3) years now. She was doing well but is now deteriorating somewhat. I also have a son, a young adult, with some sort of undiagnosed mental health or depression issues

What's the biggest problem you have currently?

Kr
MrsA

Re: Hi. I'm new to carers uk

Posted: Fri Jul 27, 2018 10:39 pm
by Pet66
Hello Susan, welcome to the forum.
You have alot on your plate.
Others will be along to offer advice and support.
My husband is in a nursing home because of strokes and vascular dementia. He hasn't lived with me for 33 months now sadly. I visit him 4 times a week, and my family visit on the other days. Not that he connects the timescales!
I'm trying to chill,( in both senses of the word)! tonight.
I hope you find the forum as supportive as I do.

Re: Hi. I'm new to carers uk

Posted: Fri Jul 27, 2018 11:43 pm
by jenny lucas
Susan, hi - what other help are your parents getting? It's very important they are not relying solely on you, but accept that outside care-workers are now necessary. It can be hard for our elderly parents to accept that!

Thanks for replys

Posted: Sat Jul 28, 2018 6:40 pm
by Susan_1807123
My biggest problem is I just need someone to talk to. My mum has someone coming to take her out for 2 hours on a Monday. I manage to volunteer at a charity on a wednesday. But other than that and shopping im in with them 24/7.

Re: Hi. I'm new to carers uk

Posted: Sat Jul 28, 2018 9:13 pm
by MrsAverage
Hi again Susan
There's plenty on here in similar positions so feel free to look around the forum and join in any threads, or start new ones.
We try to do a quick 'over the garden hedge'type of catch here in "roll call" https://www.carersuk.org/forum/social-a ... ?start=180, but note that at the start of each month a new one opens as it gets big.

Like the others have said, I do think you need more help, if only to give you more time to yourself, and to make sure you have a social life when caring ends. It can get very isolating, and can go on for years. At a BBQ today I met 2 separate people whose parents were now over 103!

Re: Hi. I'm new to carers uk

Posted: Sun Jul 29, 2018 10:46 am
by jenny lucas
You definitely need more time to yourself.

I appreciate that with dementia in the frame, I take it your mum needs 'attention' the whole time? My MIL with dementia simply 'didn't know what to do with herself'. Like a small toddler, she just lost the ability to entertain herself. If I sat with her and watched TV, and explained what was happening, that was fine. If I left the room, unless she fell asleep (which she did increasingly - it was a blessing in its own way!) (let me go on with the housework etc), she would simply be bewildered, and get up and 'follow me around' (just like a toddler).

I wonder therefore whether your mum could go to a day centre several times a week? I'm assuming your mobility-limited dad can't actually do any 'looking after' her, but could be left on his own (probably quite happily, and with a sense of relief that he is 'on his own'??)

Either that or you get them to pay for a sitting service?

The trouble is, yo uare being used as 'the parent' of 'small children' now, and that is just unsustainable. You DO need a life of your own as well.

Re: Hi. I'm new to carers uk

Posted: Sun Jul 29, 2018 6:21 pm
by Karen Dee
Hi Susan, I am new to Caters uk and already it has been a great help. Like you, I really needed someone to talk to. I am not very good at talking face to face to people, I much prefer this online talking. Plus we remain anonymous which also helps.

Re: Hi. I'm new to carers uk

Posted: Sun Jul 29, 2018 11:04 pm
by Suzy_1805
Susan_1807123 wrote:
Fri Jul 27, 2018 10:24 pm
Hi. I'm new to carers uk. I'm 59 and am currently looking after my mum 85 who has dementia. My dad 86 who can hardly walk due to wanting a new knee. He has had them both replaced but one of them he thinks needs doing again and my brother who has slight mental health issues. I just need someone to talk to.
Hi Susan
I'm new to this too and at 58 I've just moved in with mum who's 91 very frail and waiting for an assessment at the memory clinic and seems likely to get a dementia diagnosis when this finally happens. I've been doing this for 4 months and its tough! I felt the same just wanted to talk to someone who would listen and not judge so if it helps message me to talk. I can also recommend Age UK who will signpost you to a counsellor.
Suzy

Thanks for all replies

Posted: Tue Jul 31, 2018 6:31 pm
by Susan_1807123
Thanks for all replies. I appreciate them.