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Hi I’m new but a carer of Alzheimer’s my mum for last 3years - Carers UK Forum

Hi I’m new but a carer of Alzheimer’s my mum for last 3years

Tell us a bit about yourself here.
Hi has anyone come across their parents not knowing where they are at times and saying they want to go home? My mum does it a lot , she also thinks she still goes to work
Hello and welcome!

Has she had a needs assessment or not?
Hello Steve , welcome to the forum.
My lovely husband had vascular dementia amongst other issues. He used to confabulate, and he forgot about the home we had together since 1980. He used to give his childhood address to anyone who asked. Definitely used to think he had to go to work, or on holiday, all sorts. He once in a lucid moment said he needed to renew a sick note!
How can we help with this very difficult heartbreaking time?
Pet66 wrote:
Mon Mar 02, 2020 6:29 pm
Hello Steve , welcome to the forum.
My lovely husband had vascular dementia amongst other issues. He used to confabulate, and he forgot about the home we had together since 1980. He used to give his childhood address to anyone who asked. Definitely used to think he had to go to work, or on holiday, all sorts. He once in a lucid moment said he needed to renew a sick note!
How can we help with this very difficult heartbreaking time?
Is there any advice you can give which may help me deal with the repetitive behaviour
And crazy talk as I put it, she also thinks people come in the house and steal things it’s a very difficult time for me I do get some support luckily but it’s dealing with the emotional side I am struggling with.
Hi Steve,
I have no experience of caring for someone with Alzheimer's but from what I have learnt from reading on here, is that it's best to go along with the "crazy talk,' for that is her reality. To challenge it is will just make life more difficult as she cannot help it. She is losing her memory and most recent memories go first. Try and remember it's the dementia talking, not her, (easier said than done I know.) As for thinking people are coming in and stealing things - its probably her brains way of trying to explain logically why she can't find things/ remember where she put things. Other members have also found their relatives hide things - but of course don't remember doing it or where.

Melly1
Thanks for your thoughts yes I usually say yes or stop as can be very heavy on the brain day in day out but it can be very stressful at times which does cause me a fair bit of anxiety.
Steve it's really the only way( in my experience and personal opinion) to go along with the crazy talk. In her mind it's true, and no amount of trying to say anything will alter the mindset. For example, if hubby told me he had been on holiday I would ask if the weather as good. If been to work, I would say no wonder you are tired. The only time I would try to put things right were when he felt something dreadful had happened. Then I would say oh love, you took your medication late, and it's made you dream. Fortunately he accepted that. Maybe relieved,who knows? . Believing that someone is stealing is very difficult to cope with. Saying, what are you missing, and look for it may help, or even say you will sort it, may just pacify? I don't think it helps to actually argue that something has been stolen, but if your mother feels you are doing something about it? I know how hard it is, and don't beat yourself up if something doesn't always work. Best to walk out of the room for a few minutes. You need to look after yourself too.
Previously on the forum a book called "Contented dementia" Has been mentioned.
I second going along with the crazy talk and then also try to distract from it if it is something upsetting like someone stealing. This works with my mum.

But agreed it is emotionally hard. There are days I deal with it better than others.