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Hi I’m new and need some help - Carers UK Forum

Hi I’m new and need some help

Tell us a bit about yourself here.
Hiya. Don’t even know if I qualify to be in this forum. But its worth a go.

My boyfriend has severe health anxiety and panic disorder. It’s recently a lot worse so we’re driving up to hospital every night convinced he’s going to die.
He’s tried lads of things such as many different antidepressants, CPD, hypnotherapy, he’s got CBT next week.

But I just need help myself. I am so down and low and it’s really getting me down. I don’t know what to do. I know how to help him I just don’t know how I should be helping myself. What to do. I’ve been looking online but all I can find is things on what to say and how to help them ... not how to help yourself..

Please help,
I’m really struggling.
Hannah - this is an incredibly stressful time for you. One thing you could do is phone a support group such as Mind. Also, get friends and family you trust involved. That way you won't feel so alone.
Hi Hannah,
You are very welcome here. Sorry to hear about your BF’s MH problems. Did all this happen suddenly or has he had this kind of anxiety since you have known him?
How old are you both?
I have no experience and no knowledge so I’m answering you from a sort of common sense point of view.
First of all keep in mind that whatever his problems are, you are just as important and your well being needs to be given equal consideration.
Do not allow yourself to become his main ‘crutch’. You will be quite likely to bend and break under the pressure.
Therefore you need time for yourself, regular times when you do your own thing with friends or family and have a break from his anxiety. This is not selfish it’s essential to preserve your energy and fortitude.
Make sure that he recognises that there is a problem and does everything in his power to help himself too.
Make sure you support not enable. (Don’t do too much. Don’t ‘carry’ him.)
Be aware that no-one HAS to care for anyone else. Doesn’t matter what the relationship, not spouse, parent, sibling, adult child or friend.
I have no wish to offend and remember I don’t know you at all, but if your boyfriend has turned into a much more needy person than you realised and your relationship isn’t what you wanted, then do not allow yourself to be persuaded, guilted, expected or manoeuvred into being his carer unless that’s what you really, really want. Only you know the answer to that.
Keep posting.
Hi Hannah.

Things sound rough. As folks have already suggested, Mind may be able to offer you support as a carer. Have you been to see your GP? There might be support they can direct you to. Hope things improve for you.

Jane